Author: tejvan

How to Transcend Our Own Limitations

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Self Transcendence is synonymous with our own self improvement. If we always stay in our ‘comfort zone’ we make no progress. It is important to know how we can achieve more. Here, achieve is perhaps not the right word – Self-transcendence is not just about achieving more, it is also about overcoming our negative limited thoughts and beliefs

These are some suggestions to help you transcend your own limitations

Set Targets

If you want to transcend yourself, you need to have something to aim for. Set realistic goals and targets. This maybe getting rid of a bad habit; it may be getting up 30 minutes earlier; it may be to improve your physical health. If you have something to aim for it remains a powerful motivation. As you achieve a small improvement, you can continue to raise the target. If it is not so easy to achieve your goals – don’t give up. Self transcendence requires patience, and perseverance.

Don’t Be Limited by Your Own Thoughts

The first thing we need to be aware of, is how easily we can be affected by our own self imposed limitations. Quite often, we may be unaware of how much we allow our thoughts to limit our perspective and capacities. These thoughts and ideas are often deeply embedded in our mind. However, whilst we cherish these thoughts, they will always act as an invisible barrier. Examine carefully, your own thoughts. If you find yourself often saying “I can’t do that..” try to at least suspend disbelief.

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How to be kind to yourself

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We all know we should be kind to animals and considerate of other people. But, are we actually kind to ourself? If you regularly find that you are beating yourself up or are plagued by guilt, it is worth making an effort to be a bit kinder to yourself. Here are some ideas so that you offer a bit of support for your good self.

The Past is Dust

‘The Past is Dust’ is one of the favourite sayings of my Spiritual teacher, Sri Chinmoy.

“I always say the past is dust. By thinking of it and brooding over it we cannot change the past or free ourselves from guilt. If we have done something wrong, it is past. Let us think of the immediate future and allow it to grow into the immediacy of today.” [1]

When we live in the past, we become plagued by regrets and guilt. By constantly reliving the past, we cannot change what has gone before. If we have made mistakes in the past, we should not feel that this is our permanent reality. Focus instead, on the present moment and see how you can improve and go forward. It is only by focusing on the present and doing the right thing, that we can learn from the past.

Do One Thing at a Time

We have all tried to juggle several things at once. We also know how stressful and difficult this is. Sometimes when we try to do several things at once, we give ourselves an exaggerated feeling of self importance. However, don’t pile pressure on yourself; value simplicity and do one thing at a time. When you focus on only your current activity, you are not only being kind to yourself; but, also will be able to do things much more effectively.

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Tips for Writing Without Boasting

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Readers Question. As another blogger that deals in the self help niche how do you follow your own advice about following your ideals quietly? I often find it hard to blog about these topics without sounding boastful, or that I know it all. Any tips?

Thanks, Kayci

A thought provoking question. I will offer these points, but, I would be interested in suggestions from other writers in the field of self-improvement.
1. Write with Confidence.

I think it is important to write with confidence. This should not be confused with boasting; it is simply writing with clarity. For example, if we write with great hesitation and uncertainty it becomes painful to read. Compare the following 2 examples:

“Controlling your anger is essential for peace of mind.”

“I think that if you control your anger, it is highly probable that you will have greater peace of mind; at least this is what some other people say; as of yet, I am unable to successfully implement this in my life, nevertheless I recommend you give it a try.”

Note: in the first example, you don’t necessarily imply that the writer is always successful in controlling his anger – just that it is a desirable thing to do.

2. Include Yourself in making mistakes.

“A common mistake you can easily make is to allow small things to irritate you”

“A common mistake we can easily make is to allow small things irritate us.”

Here we change just two words, but, it completely changes the tone of the message. In the first example, it implies that, you (the reader) make the mistake; but, the writer doesn’t. Therefore, it has a condescending attitude.

However, in the second example, we say everyone (including the writer) is liable to make the mistake. – Wouldn’t it be much better if we all did the right thing?

In the second example, there is a oneness between reader and writer. – We are learning together. In the first example, the writer is telling the reader they should be more like us. It is a small point, but, it makes a big difference to the tone of the article.
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The Art of Effective Argument

sunset game

Arguing can be an emotionally draining experience, so we need to be careful in how we prepare and engage in argument. This is not so much a guide on how to win arguments; it is more a guide on when to argue and how to conduct an argument.

Don’t insist on having the last word.

Focus on getting your argument across effectively and coherently; when you have adequately explained your position don’t feel a necessity to keep repeating yourself. There are some people who will never want to admit defeat; no matter what you say they will want to keep arguing. There are occasions when you just need to let people have the last word; having the last word does not mean you have won the argument.

Silence can be a very powerful Argument

True words aren’t eloquent;
eloquent words aren’t true.
Wise men don’t need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren’t wise.

Tao Te Ching verse: 81

Foolish people will want to pick arguments over inconsequential things. Great thinkers and innovators are often criticised, only because people are suspicious of new things. If these pioneers stopped to argue with all the self styled critics, the evolution of the world would have been a lot slower. This is the art of knowing when to argue and when to remain silent. If you have faith in an idea or vision, don’t stop to have meaningless arguments. Often great people aren’t appreciated until they are dead; but, truly great people don’t create a lasting legacy through engaging in arguments with critics.

Pick the Right Argument to have

You could spend all day finding reasons to argue with other people. But, if we are honest, arguments rarely have much benefit. An argument should be seen as the last alternative; only argue where it would compromise some significant principle. If possible try to find a way to suggest ideas in a non confrontational way. If we need to challenge someone’s opinion’s there may be better ways of doing this than a head-on argument.

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Finding Inspiration to Write on Self Improvement

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I am fortunate to have sufficient time to write several articles a week on the theme of self improvement. I think the main criteria for finding inspiration is that you have an interest / passion for writing on these topics. Sometimes, it is difficult to find new topics, but these are some of the strategies I use for gaining inspiration and creativity.

Quotes

Many of my articles have been inspired by reading a quote from profound thinkers and spiritual teachers. For example, a very short quote by Sri Chinmoy,

Not self-contempt
But self-improvement
Has to be our continuous choice.

gave an idea for an article – the art of effective self criticism. I also enjoy the delightful paradoxes found in the Tao Te Ching. For example this quote.

“The Master doesn’t try to be powerful;
thus he is truly powerful.
The ordinary man keeps reaching for power;
thus he never has enough.

helped inspire an article “What makes an effective leader” The funny thing is that quite often I write a very long 1,000 word essay and find that it says little more than the initial short quote 🙂 But, that is fine, sometimes we like the simplicity and power of poetry and quotes; sometimes our mind likes lengthy explanation and reason – both have their value.

Reader’s Comments

Articles can often produce intriguing comments from the readers. I like to try and respond; but, sometimes when I am responding to a comment I realise I could actually expand it into a whole article itself. I like this method of finding inspiration because it makes your articles like a conversation. I think every writer has certain limitations – I have a certain world perspective, so it is often through comments that I gain new ideas and directions.

Answering Questions

Sometimes I receive questions through comments, or emails. This often gives ideas that are quite obvious, yet are something I had often never thought about. For example, this particular article came about a readers comment about, how do you find time to write? I like receiving questions, because it provides a focus for an article. You also feel the article has a sense of purpose.

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Best of October at Sri Chinmoy Inspiration

Christ Church meadow

Welcome to our new readers, and thanks to all those contributing through leaving comments.

This is a selection of articles, from the month of October:

Elsewhere on the Web

For November.

In addition to writing guest articles elsewhere on the web, I hope to write 3 articles per week, Mon, Wed and Fri.

(I have some blogs, where I post upto 7 times a day (Economics, not so interesting 🙂 ), but, I think here it is better to choose quality over quantity.)

Don’t forget you can subscribe to our RSS feed

Photo

Photo by Tejvan Pettinger – Christ Church Meadow, Oxford. Magdalen Tower is in background

Why Life Feels Difficult And What To Do About It.

The Warning

Does life often get you down? Life can be tough, but,  there are also a few things we can do to easily brush away some of the common difficulties.

Common Problems and how to deal with it

Lack of Money

It is easy to feel that if we could just get a few thousand more dollars – all our problems would be solved. However, you may find even if you won a thousand dollars, you would still want more. Life will always create money worries – the important thing is how to deal with them. Try to keep money in its proper place, don’t let it dominate your life. Take practical steps to improve your financial situation, but try also to be content with your current situation; it is a mistake to always feel that a lack of money is our most significant problem.

Lack of Motivation

Often we know what we should do, but, we feel no inclination to start. A lack of motivation means that we never try new things and life can easily become stale. A lack of motivation is related to a feeling of boredom and self doubt. There are many practical ways to overcome a lack of motivation; the most important thing is just to start new projects. Often when we make the initial first step, we realise it is not as difficult as we feared. It can also be important to set goals, if we make certain targets it becomes harder to find excuses and avoid doing it.

Problems keep repeating themselves

Quite often, when we solve or avoid a problem, it repeats itself through another person or another experience. This can be dispiriting because it seems we will never be able to gain peace of mind. The solution is not to keep trying to avoid the problem, when we have a defect in our character the problem will keep appearing. To resolve this kind of problem we need to take a fresh perspective and try to understand the underlying cause of the problem. This may require some honest self criticism. Look at your motives and thoughts and see whether you can approach issues from a different perspective.

Continue reading “Why Life Feels Difficult And What To Do About It.”

The Art of Listening

light

There is more to listening than meets the eye, or rather, the ear. Listening is not merely hearing what the other person says, but also comprises understanding what that person says on a deeper level and reacting adequately to it. Many communication failures, hurt feelings and misunderstandings result from the inability to listen properly. Our relationships and dealings with other people will become much more fruitful and fulfilling if we study and learn the art of listening. For listening is an art unto itself. There are several things to bear in mind in order to become a good listener.

1. Never interrupt.

It is considered rude and ill-mannered to butt in while the other person is still speaking. Let him finish what he has to say and then make your remark. Your patience and good manners will be appreciated.

2. Really listen to what is said, rather than just hearing it.

There is a great difference between hearing and listening. In hearing the information goes in one ear and often comes out the other. In listening we allow the words to sink in deeper. In our mind’s eye we try to picture what the other person is telling us. Listening therefore demands concentration and undivided attention. Listening takes some effort, whereas hearing does not.

3. Do not judge.

Try to keep an open mind towards what is being said and keep personal judgements to yourself. Acceptance and tolerance of others’ opinions are not only laudable virtues, but also help the other person feel comfortable and relaxed and give him the chance to speak his mind freely, without being afraid of what you will think of him.

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Offering Support to Depressed People

sunset

It is estimated that 20% of adults at some time are suffering from depression. It is a difficult experience to go through, but, it is also difficult for the friends and families who live with those suffering from depression. The extent of depression varies, but, everyone will at some time encounter friends who are feeling unhappy and miserable. On these occasions what is the best approach to take?

Some ideas on How to Deal With depressed People:

Be Happy Don’t be Depressed

This is really important. The best antidote to depression is the opposite – happiness. If you can remain cheerful and positive, this will imperceptibly rub off on the other person. This does not mean we have to maintain an over the top, happy persona, – this will just be irritating. However, it is a mistake to feel that we need to empathise with their depression so much that we become depressed ourselves.

Be Patient

If people experience a lasting period of depression, the last thing they need to hear is the retort – “O why don’t you just snap out of it.” Maybe this is appropriate for temporary bad moods, but, in the case of depression we can not expect an immediate fix. It is important to remain patient and understanding. We should not impose a time limit when we expect the depression to end. Patience is important and we should not become frustrated when our friends fail to resolve their difficulties

Don’t Be Judgemental

It is important to offer support to people without offering constant judgement about what is right and wrong. It is very helpful to listen to the problems of other people. This is not so we can tell them what to do; often just listening to others, gives them the opportunity to work out their own problems.
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How to Reduce the Ego.

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The ego is that part in us which feeds off praise, compliments and success. When we live in the ego we are inevitably subject to feelings of superiority / inferiority, pride and worthlessness, success and failure. If we want to avoid these negative emotions we need to transcend the ego. If we can transcend the ego, we will find that people are instinctively more attracted to us, even though we are no longer trying to impress. It may seem a great paradox, yet, limiting the role of our ego can make a radical difference to our lives.

These are some factors which can reduce the power of the Ego.

1. Don’t Try to impress

Don’t speak about your own achievements. Don’t drop names of great people you have met. Avoid forcing your accomplishments and success into the conversation. If you have been successful in accumulating wealth, try to keep quiet about it. All these factors may impress your own ego, but, you can guarantee they will have little impact on other people.

2. Be aware of False Modesty.

Sometimes when we say. “O I’m absolutely hopeless”. Actually what we are wanting is for people to respond. ‘O no your not, your really good.” Humility means that we don’t take excessive pride in our achievements, but, it also means we don’t exaggerate our failings in the hope of gaining sympathy.

3. Be Careful of Flattery.

We need to be careful about receiving praise, in some ways it can be as difficult as receiving criticism. The problem is that the ego likes receiving praise and so we can easily become addicted to being flattered. Don’t seek out people who are keen to flatter us, as this is only feeding the ego. Also, be wary of flattering other people in the hope that they will return the compliment.

4. Don’t use your Religion / Spirituality to Impress.

It is a mistake to feel that the practise of a religion / spiritual path gives us a moral superiority over other people. If we feel any superiority we are missing the whole point of spirituality. Spirituality is about a feeling of oneness not of proving that one path is better than others. This can be one of the most insidious types of ego. This is because when we wrap up the ego in a sense of moral superiority, we can easily trick ourselves into thinking we are reducing the ego, when actually we are strengthening it.
Continue reading “How to Reduce the Ego.”