Category: life

Apparently last Monday was statistically the most depressing day of the year.  Mondays are difficult because at this time of the year we regret the return to the daily grind after the Christmas break, then there’s all the broken New Years Resolutions. Mondays are also difficult because our natural body clock is 25 hours, therefore at the weekend we tend to sleep in, making it difficult to get up on Mondays, and when we are tired we are liable to be more grumpy.

So that’s the depressing theory, but, what can we do to avoid the Monday Blues?

Don’t Spend Your Weekend Thinking of Monday

Half the problem of Monday is in the anxiety and worries we have over the weekend. Enjoy your weekend and leave Monday for Monday. Rather than worrying about the potential problems seek to remember the good aspects of work. Most of our worries prove groundless any way.

Be Grateful for what you can

The nature of the human mind is to focus on negative aspects of life. We think of the frustrations of work and the daily problems. Rather than let our mind build up an impressive list of reasons to be miserable, we should think of several reasons to be grateful and appreciative. Even in a repetitive job we can find positive aspects. If nothing else, we can be grateful we have a job to go to. By appreciating the good things in our life, we give them more importance. It has a big impact on our personality and character. Those who are always complaining are the least fun to be with.  If you are positive you will attract people to you and create a positive energy.

Don’t Mess up Your Body Clock

If we feel physically tired it is much more difficult to be in a good frame of mind. One of the best things is to keep a certain routine at the weekend. Don’t sleep in, but keep your usual body clock. It will give you more time to enjoy the weekend and making getting up on Monday much easier.

Have A Life Beyond Work

At various times we need to stop and evaluate the priorities of our life. If our main activity is only work, we are living an unbalanced life and any problems we have with work will dominate our life. Give yourself something to look forward to on Monday evening or during the week. If you get a proper lunch break try to find something productive that you enjoy doing.

Don’t Get Frustrated with things you can’t control

Wherever we work there will be problems, awkward people and difficult issues. We can’t change this. If we move from one job to another, we will see the same problems repeated – just in different locations. The way to deal with difficult situations and people is develop a tolerance and detachment; we can’t expect to change our working environment to meet our expectations of a perfect workplace. My boss has an obsession with saving money so we get the heating turned off in the middle of the day and all kinds of things like that. Sometimes complaining can help, but, sometimes it makes it worse we have to be wise and deal with what we can.
The same principle applies for travelling to work. Try not getting frustrated when stuck in the inevitable traffic jams. See it as an opportunity to listen to your favourite music or even just do some stretching exercises.

Try something different

If you are getting bogged down by the repetitive nature of your work, try something different; look at your work from a different angle. For example, try being nice to an unpopular person at work. Try looking at work from a completely different perspective. Don’t get bogged down by small problems but try to see the bigger picture.

Take Pride in Mundane Tasks

Sometimes work feels unrewarding because it seems mundane with little reward or excitement. However, it is a mistake to think we have to do great things to gain satisfaction. Take pride even in small tasks. Work with a good attitude and don’t worry about whether you get external praise or not. If you can work without demanding external praise then you will enjoy your work far more. But, it is important that what ever we do, we gain job satisfaction. We might not want to do this job for very long. But, whatever we do have a positive attitude to it.

Take Exercise

Exercise is one of the best ways to change your mood and fight off mild depression. Try cycling to work, if you can or go to a gym sometime during the day.

Related

• 10 Tips to Avoid Becoming depressed
• The source of happiness

My recent New Year resolutions made me realise how difficult it is to break bad habits. By nature we are creatures of habit and somethings are really quite difficult to give up – even if we know they are not good for us. This is a practical guide to breaking bad habits and creating lasting changes to our lifestyle.

1. Be Clear you want to Break a Bad Habit.

One problem is that we are often caught in two minds about whether we want to break a habit or not. Part of us wants to give up drinking coffee, but, the other part really quite likes it. If we are half hearted or undecided we will never be successful. Continue reading “Breaking Bad Habits”

It’s two weeks since the start of the New Year, and if you’re like me, then you have probably not carried out all your New Year’s resolutions out to the extent which you’d like. Often when we lapse from our original intentions, we feel that we have somehow failed, and basically give up altogether – however there is no reason why we cannot simply pick up where we left off and make a fresh start.

My New Year’s resolution was to introduce more fresh fruit and veg into my life, and to cut down on eating fatty an sugary foots, and also maybe reduce a little those high-carb lunches that made me want to go to sleep for a couple of hours in the middle of the day. Unfortunately (for the resolution) I began the New Year whilst on a visit to Malaysia, and of course couldn’t resist indulging in quite a few of that countries delicacies only a couple of days into the resolution. But I’m home now, with a recently acquired supply of fresh fruit and veg, ready to start again.

Change your attitude to failure

Often when something happens and we don’t keep up our resolutions for a day or so, we often feel that that’s it, and the resolution is now broken. But imagine if we had that attitude as a baby, when we were learning to walk? Think of the countless times a baby tries to stand up, only to fall back down again. Failure is an experience every one of us deals with at some point or another, the important thing is not to be discouraged into giving up altogether.

sDon’t think of success; think of progress

Often we have an all-or-nothing approach to changing our lifestyle for the better. However, the process of making resolutions should not be a cycle of making targets and then feeling bad because you didn’t achieve them, there should be some joy in the process! In other words, we should be happy at any changes we do make, and take them as as positive signs of our own progress, rather than bemoaning our inability to transform ourselves overnight. If we have that attitude, it is much easier to accept ourselves and keep trying to improve, sespite the setbacks.

Adjust your goals if necessary

Sometimes it takes a setback for one to realise that their goals need modifying – you can think of it as a practice run. Something that helps for me is to change the nature of the resolution to give it a finite time frame. The mind tends to respond with negativity when faced with something stretching off into the indefinite future, so by saying you’re going to implement the resolution for the month of January or for the next two weeks, it peresents a much more finite challenge to the mind. Hopefully by the end of that timeframe, the habit will have well and truly stuck, and you’ll be well on the way to making a permanent change.

(Photo: Projjwal Pohland, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries)

ps  I’ve changed my first name from Shane to Nirbhasa, which is a name given to me signifying all the best qualities of my soul. It is a Sanskrit word, and relates to the soul shining forward from within. So you’ll see a different name at the start of all the posts from now on 🙂

The New Year is an opportunity to undertake a re-evaluation of our lives, discard what is not helping and take on new habits which will make life more enjoyable and less stressful.

I’m not great at setting New Year Resolutions, but, this year I tried writing something down (mainly because I thought it would make a good article). I found this process of writing very helpful for working out what I would like to change. It is very much a personal opinion; everything in this article is based on personal experience. Perhaps these will resonate with yourself – perhaps you would have different priorities. Have a go at writing something down – it does make you think!

The New Year is symbolic of a new beginning. If we retain the old habits and thoughts of last year, life will be just the same, but, if we make a conscious effort to bring newness into our lives it can have a real impact.

Each time you enter a new year,
Be determined not to bring
Your old self with you.

– Sri Chinmoy

Targets for the New Year.

Get Up Earlier

Sometimes, I struggle to get up in the morning; I’m certainly not a ‘morning person’ However, when I sleep in longer than I want, I really feel I’ve missed out on something. If I do sleep longer than I want, I try to forget about it as soon as possible – there’s no point in starting the day with regrets. But, I would really like more time. (how to get up earlier in the morning)

Get Less Distracted

As I spend alot of time working on the computer, like many others, I find it is easy to get distracted by inessential, inconsequential things – they don’t give any real happiness or real satisfaction – they just occupy the mind / pass time. I wrote about this in more detail in the post  – how to live with computers. In particular, I want to create more time when I have no electrical devices switched on. There is a temptation to spend many hours on the computer, only interrupted by watching something on the TV. I want to spend more time without any external ‘entertainment’ Modern technology can be very useful, but it can also suck us in and we feel lonely unless we are hearing some noise from an electrical device. I will create spaces in life for silence.

Have a Sense of Focus.

I am not a productivity junkie trying to squeeze every second out of life with something ‘productive’ But, I do value the importance of having a purpose to whatever I am doing. We don’t have to be always working / meditating or being productive.  But, whatever, we do we should be doing wholeheartedly and without guilt because we are not doing something else. For example, if we watch TV, it should be something that we want to see and because we have given ourselves time for relaxation. But, if we watch TV because we want to put off going back to work, then we are probably watching something rubbish, and we will be thinking about the work we should be doing. Another bad habit I have is trying to do two things at once – working on the computer and trying to watch TV -the result is neither is achieved satisfactorily. Whatever we do we should give this 100% – There is a time for everything. If we go to a social gathering – leave your work mobile behind.

Not To Speak Ill of Others.

Easier said than done. It was an interesting experiment to try and spend a week without criticising others. It is hard, but, also has many benefits. To be successful it requires more than than just trying to control what you say; it also requires a more compassionate attitude – more sympathy and detachment from others’ behaviour.

Be Kind To Yourself.

It is difficult to avoid criticising others, it is even more difficult to stop criticising yourself and then worrying about what you have done. Being kind to yourself does not mean excusing bad behaviour. But, it means we need to forgive ourself as well as others. Related to this is the importance of not worrying so much about what we have done / what might happen in the future. This constant worry really creates unnecessary suffering and is often based on false information. (Be Kind to Yourself)

What targets / resolutions are you making for New Year?

Photo by Pavitrata Taylor

Many Thanks to all our readers during the past 12 months, we would also like to wish you a great New Year. This is a selection of some of our most popular posts during past 12 months.

~ Shane / Tejvan (video: Shane / Tejvan)

Life

• 10 Effective ways to simplify life
• How to Avoid Becoming a Grumpy Old Man
• The Zen of Success
• Unexpected Moments of happiness
• Life Lessons From Children
• The Power of Enthusiasm
• Not Criticising Others

Self Improvement

• Effective Ways to get out of a negative mindset
• How to Keep Your Inner Wealth during times of Recession
• 5 Point detox programme for your mind
• Dealing with mistakes
• Could You Do This?
• Tips to Deal With Lack of Self Confidence

Relationships

• Difference Between Love and Emotional Attachment
• How to gain respect of others
• 10 Tips for effective conversation
• Avoiding Misunderstanding
• Loving Difficult People

Productivity

• How to get up early in the morning
• How To Reclaim Energy you waste in day
• How to get by on less sleep
• Difficulties of working on computers

Spirituality

• The Power of Gratitude
• The art of forgiveness
• Eliminating weaknesses the positive way
• Things I Have Learnt From Meditation
• So You Think You’re Enlightened?

Meditation

• A Simple Concentration Exercise
• A Simple Meditation Exercise

Stories

• Tying cat to Bed and Missing The Essential
• Slow Down Fast
• How much for a glass of water
• Is That so?

O Lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

It’s a great song.[link] But, does desire help or hinder our lives?

Lifeless and Desires

It is said there are 2 types of people without desires – Saints and people who live inert, passive lives. A saint has transcended his personal desires and may be very dynamic and self giving. He lives not to please himself, but for the benefit of others. Others may have no desires, but, then they have no particular aspiration to do anything – apart from perhaps watching daytime TV.

There was a great Spiritual Teacher called Swami Vivekananda – some very serious seekers came to him asking for spiritual instruction – so the Swami told them to go an play and football, he said they would make more progress playing football than studying spiritual theory. What Vivekananda was trying to inculcate was the necessity of dynamism and a need for balance. It is often only after we have realised the limitations of pursuing desires, that we really are ready to turn inward.  Transcending desires does not mean becoming inert and lifeless; it is moving from a selfish perspective to a selfless perspective. In this selflessness there may be great dynamism.

Possession and Detachment

When we desire to possess something or someone we create powerful forces of expectation and attachment. The problem with this kind of desire, is that we are invariably disappointed when we fail to possess what we desire. In relationships we desire to feel that a person belongs to us. With this kind of attitude we can soon become jealous, anxious or miserable when the other person fails to reciprocate our feelings. It is a mistake to feel this kind of emotional attachment is in anyway necessary. Rather than desiring a certain outcome, real love will not have expectations. When we develop this attitude of selflessness – free of desire and expectation we give relationships greater freedom and therefore make them stronger. The secret is to avoid desiring / demanding certain outcomes. It is of course, even a bigger mistake to desire a person changes and becomes what we expect them to be; this is even more damaging than our own desires. Here our desires are being played through someone else.

Never Ending Desires

“There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire; the other is to get it.”

– George Bernard Shaw

The problem with desires is that they feed on themselves. If the Good Lord, did acquiesce to our desires for a new Mercedez Benz, it would probably just encourage us to start asking for a little more. “O Lord, could you also buy my a private helicopter… e.t.c” The point is that desire is never ending and yet the more we get the more empty we can feel. The solution is not to renounce all possessions and live like a wandering sannyasin. But, we do need to make a conscious decision to be happy with less – to appreciate the benefits of simplicity. – see: The Power of Simplicity

Desire and Aspiration

There are of course very different kinds of desires. On the one hand there is the worldly desire for material goods, name and fame, and on the other hand there is the desire to become a better person, to be more self giving and thoughtful. Sri Chinmoy calls this not desire, but aspiration – the desire to grow in something better, more fulfilling and to discover who we really are.

“A desire-intoxicated man, like Julius Caesar, wants to say to the world: “I came, I saw, I conquered.” An aspiring inspiration-man wants to say to the world: “I came, I loved and I am becoming inseparably one with you.”

– Sri Chinmoy (poems on desire at Poetseers.org)

Sometimes life feels a pull between two forces – on the one hand we have the life of desire – the Mercedez Benz and worldly appreciation – the other life of aspiration, is to live in the heart and become a better person. The one life gives fleeting pleasures, and at times can seem easier because everyone else is doing it. The other seems to require more self effort. But, the more we seek to become a better person, the more we appreciation the benefits of aspiration and the less we feel the necessity for countless desires. Indeed we often look back and say ‘Why did I have such a strong desire to be a famous footballer when young?” – the lives of famous people are rarely more satisfying and fulfilling than normal people.

Photo by Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

It is easy to love people we like. It is more challenging to love difficult and awkward people. But, it is the nature of real love, that it encompasses all. Love should not be self serving – and in loving difficult people we learn its real meaning. In the words of Shakespeare (Sonnet 116):

“…Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or Bends with the remover to remove.
O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.
It is the star to every wandering bark,
whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.”

But how to love difficult people?

Look Beyond Defects

Feel that a person’s defects and weaknesses are only a partial reflection of his real nature. Feel that behind their exterior personality there is their real self trying to break through. Often difficult people are seeking attention / love in irritating ways. They are like a child struggling to know what the right thing to do is. We don’t have to love their weaknesses, we are trying to love the self hidden underneath.

Our Peace of Mind.

Other people may give us reason to dislike them; we may even start hating them, but what do we gain by hating others? When we hate or condemn others we lose something precious in ourselves. When we judge others, it is often because we have that quality within ourselves.

“Hate is often an obverse form of love.
You hate someone whom you really wish to love but whom you cannot love.”

– Sri Chinmoy

When we love others without judgement it brings our own best qualities to the fore. If we love others, if we seek to see the good – even in difficult people, we will benefit tremendously and gain peace of mind. It is one of the great paradoxes – by loving unselfishly and unconditionally we benefit ourselves.

Love does not Mean Acquiescence

We can love people without agreeing with their bad behaviour. Nor do we have to agree with their demands and unreasonable expectations. Because a mother loves her child, the mother will reprimand the child when he places himself in danger. We can love a person whilst at the same time discouraging them from behaving badly. We can love the person whilst at the same time disliking some things they do.

Empathy

In their own way people are trying to do the right thing. At times, it may not feel like it; however, we can gain a lot through sympathetic understanding. We can try to feel that the mistakes they are making are something that we ourselves have done at various time. When there is a feeling of superiority there is no real love and oneness. But, if we can feel the other person as part of ourself then we will naturally have good will towards them. It is this ability to identify with others which enables a real feeling of love to develop.

Don’t Expect to Change Them

If we feel responsible for changing those whom we love, we will always be doomed to disappointment. Even our own kith and kin are responsible for their own lives. The biggest obstacle to loving difficult people is to think – I will love them, but, they have to become better people first. If we wait for people to become better before loving, then we will be doomed to disappointment. It is because people are imperfect that they need our compassion and understanding. If we can accept people as they are, then even difficult people we can appreciate.

Related Posts:

• How To Distinguish Between Love and emotional dependence – The word ‘love’ is perhaps one of the most casually used terms in the English language – so much so that it has become an umbrella term for a whole variety of very different emotions!….

Photo by: Ranjit Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

One of the big downfalls that often happens on the path of self-improvement is a bloated sense of pride. Certainly, it helps to look back and gain confidence from what we have achieved so far. However sometimes, after a nice experience or a good spell in life, we can even feel that we have somehow figured everything out on life’s journey, and this kind of complacent feeling can easily lead to our downfall.

Where there’s an up, there’s a down

One of the reasons it is important not to be over elated about any progress you make, is that this idea can be very easily shattered by outer circumstances. One common thing that happens is when someone goes to visit some old friends or relatives, and finds themselves repeating the same negative cycles of behaviour that used to happen before they embarked on their self-improvement journey, despite all the progress they thought they made! A friend told me something humorous she read recently from one of Eckhart Tolle’s books: “If you think you’re enlightened, then go and live with your parents for a week.”

If you attach too much importance to the good times, you’ll attach too much importance to the bad times too, and believe that all your efforts so far were for nought. When it comes to evaluating inner progress, our human mind is a notoriously bad judge. The best thing is just to keep an even keel throughout both good and bad times.

Inner growth and humility go together

Something very interesting happens to people who progress along the road of self-discovery. They may start out by thinking they will obtain these things like ‘inner peace’ or ‘enlightenment’ – however, as they begin to escape from the confines of the limiting mind and live more in the heart, they feel a greater sense of kinship and connection with the world and with their fellow human beings. The focus of everything they so slowly changes from a selfish one to one more geared towards making the world a better place – even their pursuit of enlightenment. Hence when the Buddha sat down at the bodhi tree he vowed to obtain enlightenment not for himself, but for all sentient beings. Real inner growth always goes hand in hand with an increased sense of humility and selflessness. Conversely, an exaggerated sense of pride about one’s achievements tells you quite a lot about the ‘quality’ of those achievements in the first place!

Always have the attitude of a beginner

No matter how far advanced you are along the road of self-discovery, it always pays to have the attitude of a beginner. Every day is a new day, every morning ripe with new possibilities for self-discovery and self-expansion. My own teacher, Sri Chinmoy, meditated for almost seventy years and reached very high levels of meditation, yet he always described himself as ‘the eternal beginner’. No matter what he achieved, every achievement was merely a launchpad for the next step.

“When we start our journey, the first step forward is our goal. As soon as we reach this goal, we achieve perfection. But today’s goal, today’s perfection, is tomorrow’s starting point; and tomorrow’s goal becomes the starting point for the day after tomorrow. Continuous progress is perfection.” – Sri Chinmoy

Having the attitude of a beginner allows you to live in the moment, and get joy from the adventure of self-discovery, instead of anticipating an end result.

Photo: Sopan Tsekov, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

I must admit I thought long and hard before choosing the above title – I have read many similarly titled articles which promise wonderful tips to revolutionise your life, and which in the long run end up making you feeling worse about yourself because you haven’t managed to put into practice! However, from the five years I have spent full-time on the journey of self-discovery with my teacher Sri Chinmoy, I have managed to put into place some practical lessons which have reaped enormous benefits, and I’d like to share some of them here. As you will see, many of them have more to do with attitude and how we look upon events – once the right attitude is there, the rest falls into place.

A good start is half the battle

It is important every day to keep at least some part of the day solely for yourself, where you can do the things that keep you grounded, centered and focused on the important things in life. In many ways, the morning is by far the best time for this. Firstly, you are much less likely to be distracted by work or friends or unforeseen circumstances. Secondly, when you can have that time in the morning, the sense of peace and balance you get lasts through the day and insulates you against the swirls and storms of life.

Having that time every day for yourself does involve a certain degree of discipline, but when you can keep up that discipline, you feel much more in control of your life, and able to tackle other issues which need improving. For me, my ‘self time’ happens as soon as I get up – half an hour/45 minutes of meditation to center the heart and emotions, some inspirational reading for the mind, followed by running to harmonize the body. Sometimes it is a struggle to complete that discipline, but I know from experience that If I don’t begin my day on that foundation, then I will not be in the right state of mind, and the rest of the days challenges will be much harder to face. Continue reading “How to Manage Your Day”

DO NOT REGRET

Regret is nothing but a waste;
Therefore, do not regret.
See the light, feel the light, become the light
Of today’s dawn
And try not, cry not
To see yesterday’s stars, moon and sun.
They are gone.
They should be buried in oblivion-night.

– Sri Chinmoy

It is easy to be burdened with regrets. The mind will offer us innumerable – if only I had…

Yet, regret doesn’t help in any way.

“Non, je ne regrette rien” – The famous refrain of Edith Piaf is also a powerful motto for life. These are some practical tips to live a life without regrets.

1. Live in the Present

If we live completely in the present moment, how can we be regretting the past? It is in the present moment that we can truly live and enjoy life. The problem is that it is easy to say we should live in the present but, to actually do it is not so easy. Living in the present requires constant remembrance. The nature of the mind is to think of the past and speculate on the future. We need to retrain the mind; when we start regretting the past, just gently remind yourself to go back to the present moment.

2. Do What You Can

This simple but effective idea is to do what we can, given our current situation. Regretting the past will not help improve our current situation; in fact it can make it worse. We have to be wise and make the best choices and actions given our present state. We cannot change the past, no matter how bitterly we wish we can. But, if we focus 100% on doing what we can then we may be frequently surprised at how much we can alleviate our current situation.

3. Don’t Live With A Guilty Conscience

Guilt can be a weight around our neck, which does nothing to help us. The great spiritual master, Sri Ramakrishna said something most significant. He said “the person who goes around saying ‘I am a sinner, I am a sinner’ – this person will remain a sinner.” But, why maintain this attitude? Rather than focusing on our past ‘sins’ we have to feel that this is not our real self. If we have the capacity to ‘sin’ we also have the capacity to do the right thing and lead a good life. It is focusing on good things that will make us a better person. Focusing on our past mistakes will just lower our consciousness not make us feel any better. See also: Overcoming persistent guilt

4. Be At Peace With Yourself.

Often our regrets result from the disappointment of others. Maybe we have made our choices but, despite our honest effort, they are displeased with us. Therefore, we are regretting not that we did the wrong thing, but, that we failed to meet other people’s expectations.
We will never be able to please the expectations of others. Therefore, we have to just follow our inner intuition and live the life that we think is best for us. If others don’t agree with our choices, then we have to be detached.

5. Don’t Regret Mistakes.

“The only man who makes no mistakes is the man who never does anything.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

To make progress, mistakes, failure and even humiliation are inevitable. The problem is we only value success. But, this is wrong. Failure is the flip side of success. You cannot have one without the other. Great scientists say how success often comes after 99 failures. It is a good job Einstein didn’t give up with regrets before his eventual success.

See also:

• 10 Ways to Simplify Your Life

Photo by Ahuta, Sri Chinmoy Centre galleries.