Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.
1. When you are angry say nothing.
If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us.
“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “
2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.
Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However, if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then their words and actions will have no effect. Also, if we do not respond in any way to their provocation, they will lose interest and not bother us in the future.
3. Use reason to stop anger.
When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.†Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger.
4. Look kindly upon Others.
Another visualisation, suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda, is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead, you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger.
5. Value Peace more than anger.
If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says:
“You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..â€
6. Always try to understand those who are cross.
Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness, they will seek subconsciously to do the same.
7. Focus on Something Completely Different.
Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive.
8. Breathe Deeply.
The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger.
9. Meditation.
Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. – How to Meditate
10. Smile
When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.
Common Sense
If you leave your unlocked bike in the centre of town, it is likely to get stolen. This can be frustrating and is likely to give rise to feelings of anger. Of course, we should minimise this kind of situation – simply remember to lock your bike. If we feel there is an injustice in our workplace, we should work to resolve it; this will make our work environment more peaceful and less prone to creating anger. If we have a partner who is abusive, the solution is not just dealing with our own anger, but finding a more peaceful living situation.
When we try to transcend anger, it doesn’t mean we have to acquiesce to injustice and unfairness. We should strive to make the world a better place. However, whatever our goals, it is always best to act with poise and a clear mind. Acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve.
Finally as a teacher, I occasionally feign anger to make students pay attention; sometimes, you need to show a stern face. However, as a teacher you can’t afford to allow yourself to be over-run with the emotion of anger because then you may over-react and create problems.
See also:
Photo credit: Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
I made a complete jerk out of myself last night by totally ignoring all these ways to help deal with anger. For a while there I’m affraid to say I acted like this. I had no idea that what I said and the way I said it was causing so much damage. I had a chance to talk it over immediately and saw just how wrong I was. Boy do I feel stupid. I knew I was an angerous person, but I thought the way I felt with it (complain, hold in) was a way. Well… It’s a way to lose friends. I’m so sorry. I can’t be that way anymore. I have to change now. And believe me, I want to. I need to actually.
I was thinking about seeing a psych.
Does anyone think that would be best?
I don’t think at all that I’m crazy, It just seems that I’d have to be, in acting so foolishly with my anger.
Again I am so sorry to who I offended.
I sadly can say I went through all of these. I never did anything about it till my fiance left me for good even though she gave me plenty chances to change and encourage me and helped me to change. I ignored her completly i always took it up to her, and yell ,scream even course at her. When she left me i knew it was it and it made me see reality. I changed am able to deal with anger, better work inviroment. unfurtunally I was never able get my fiance back and blame my self for it.I KNOW I CAN LIVE A BETTER LIFE NOW
all sounds a bit indirect/impractal to me..
(except point 8 which given enough attention will sort your whole life out, but angry people are usually hiding negative emotions)
if your angry just feel/express it. do i need to say without hurting anyone ? (including yourself)
scream into or hit a pillow in private ?, if there’s pain that makes you feel angry, then feel that too.. cry if you need to as long as you need to..
keep doing that till you feel better 🙂
if you can meditating on your breath will work wonders too
RK..
which is better for your daughters, you being with their mum, or you being happy..?
I’m very angry when someone i love blames me for things but can’t accept some of the blame. Trying to self improve but how much can a person give in order for the other one to give?
omg i have anger issues and that does not mix well with having bipolar disorder
breathing exercises work too~~!!!!
i really have bad anger problems and i need help
i hope these work, i need something to help me contol my anger.
other wise it could ruin what i have left of my relationship.
thak you for helping me out wth my aniger
i need these to work i got maja issues wit people hhhhhhh i hope i get good from this webpage
Thanks I needed that for health class
hi,dis site is awesome…!as human beings v should have a lust 4 improving our selves…not 2 pomp in front ov people..buh 2 satisfy our soul,to face ourselves…no body has a flowless personality..every 1 is imperfect as being humans…!n this is wat makes us REAL,but knowing dat ur doing wrong..yet holding a rigid,firm stance on ur wrong doings…makes things worst..hats off 4 those who underwent a reality check n took initiative 2 visit dis site…!
all good in theory very very different in practice. . .
What a wonderful article – thank you.
I use a lot of those techniques you talk about and find them to be invaluable.
I do find though that sometimes we need to do something with the energy that is arising.
As my Buddhist teacher once said, “Anger is just energy.”
And I find that doing exercise, writing, creating, dancing, singing or using some way of shifting anger to be what works best for me.
Thank you for shining your light,
Be well,
Piers
I like this webpage. There is tons of great advice on here. People that visit this webpage should just pick one point from here and work on controlling their anger at a time. They do work. Just one at a time though. If you try too many of these 10 different points in the same time of rage your brain will overload and you will give in to punching walls, screaming, acting like a baby, or whatever you all do when you are mad.
Helpful –will try to incorporate these ways into my hectic, stressfull life …thankyou!
I am feeling really better after going through the article how to manage anger..i hope to implement this in my regular life….
Thank you so much
Amina
ty so much this will really help me out alot^^
This concise advice is not recommending that we all stuff our anger away. Rather, it asking us to transform what we do with those feelings.
Fact: the physiology of anger, the adrenaline and cortisol that throw us into a frenzy of fight or flight runs its course and is broken down and effectively removed from the body 90 seconds from onset.
After that minute and a half, we are choosing how to react, how to treat others. Punching pillows alone in your bedroom only prolongs suffering.
This article is about finding your center, and staying in a place where you can observe the events and interactions in your life which you want to react to.
So, how will you react? What path will your choose? It really is up to us, we are not powerless over anger.
Those of us who often choose to unleash our anger, verbally, physically, emotionally… we are in need of healing. That is what these 10 recommendations are trying to share. We will be in a much better place to heal and respond if we stay in a place of calmness.
Detachment isn’t denial. Its a choice where a person remains in their center, a place of well-being and inner strength, despite the circumstances which they find theirselves in.