Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.
1. When you are angry say nothing.
If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us.
“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “
2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.
Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However, if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then their words and actions will have no effect. Also, if we do not respond in any way to their provocation, they will lose interest and not bother us in the future.
3. Use reason to stop anger.
When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.†Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger.
4. Look kindly upon Others.
Another visualisation, suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda, is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead, you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger.
5. Value Peace more than anger.
If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says:
“You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..â€
6. Always try to understand those who are cross.
Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness, they will seek subconsciously to do the same.
7. Focus on Something Completely Different.
Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive.
8. Breathe Deeply.
The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger.
9. Meditation.
Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. – How to Meditate
10. Smile
When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.
Common Sense
If you leave your unlocked bike in the centre of town, it is likely to get stolen. This can be frustrating and is likely to give rise to feelings of anger. Of course, we should minimise this kind of situation – simply remember to lock your bike. If we feel there is an injustice in our workplace, we should work to resolve it; this will make our work environment more peaceful and less prone to creating anger. If we have a partner who is abusive, the solution is not just dealing with our own anger, but finding a more peaceful living situation.
When we try to transcend anger, it doesn’t mean we have to acquiesce to injustice and unfairness. We should strive to make the world a better place. However, whatever our goals, it is always best to act with poise and a clear mind. Acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve.
Finally as a teacher, I occasionally feign anger to make students pay attention; sometimes, you need to show a stern face. However, as a teacher you can’t afford to allow yourself to be over-run with the emotion of anger because then you may over-react and create problems.
See also:
Photo credit: Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
This site was verY helpful during my moment of anger;)..I was able to relate most of the comments posted… And was wondering if there was a instant chat room where we may discuss this “anger” issue. Looks like there are a lot of people out there who are willing to self improve themselves and make this world a better place.
Thank you for this.
The irony is that my anger is pointed to my family member calling me names. Though when I tried this: smiling not paying attention to her, she hit me so hard I passed out! Geez I wish there was a better way……
Thanks for this it really helps me to become a better person
What if you’re angry cuz You’re forced to do something that you REALLY don’t want.
for example: “you’re not going to school unless you clean the whole room” and that room is super f*cked up.
then you already cleaned it and everythng and STILL they keep on making you do stuff knowing that you still have some book illustrations to finish! then you get REALLY pissed off cuz they won’t stop asking you to do this and that and this and that and ETC. and you get so pissed off that you feel like crying but you cant cuz they will get mad at you and you have no choice, you can’t talk properly to them cuz they will NEVER listen. YES I’m lazy but sometimes they go overboard and I get extremely mad that I just want to throw everything infront of me but I cant so I try to hold everything in cuz if I shouted already and exploded, things would get worse and I know it’s not healthy. This thing doesn’t really help me.I’ve done researches as well. But nothing seemed to help me. I’m just a kid and I can’t afford to pay for some counseling or shizz. OTL
I have just had a very complicated and annoying morning and i believe this article will guide me on how to suppress it all. I believe am too young to develop any psychological or health-related complications as a result of my own doing.Props for this, it really helps.
Wish anger did not exist! I have been trying to fight this demon for a couple of years, but it seems to get worse each time. It’s horrendous. It’s weird because I only lose full control in my relationship. I really want to change this part of me because its affecting my relationship and I don’t think its fair to my mate. I become a different person. I become a craze person and it takes me several hours before I could get back to my normal self. I am full of remorse after my episodes. A lot of arguments would start with my mate about idiotic issues,which I feel I have a 5% tolerance limit. I just want to break free from this anger. I am taking it seriously as of today.
This is something that i can really relate to bc me and a family member of mine got into a big argument this morning, and i think that just by reading some of this made a big difference in my true meaning of anger
Dear Sir,
This is really good article ever read about how to manage ‘ANGER’. Simply if one can follow above written ways, will sure reduce his/her anger.
Thank you for sharing this …………..
Thanks this is a great way two make me calm.
i always talk back to my mom and i really think i stress
her out. DEAR:mom, i promise to respect you all the time
love your son,isaiah
read the bible, really really helps
Always take your time before you can say anything to anybody because whatever you are going to say when angry, might come back to you thrice or more and that will hurt more than you thought.
I have bookmarked this site, it has helped me a lot.
My work environment was giving me a lot of stress and uncontrollable anger.
I was taking it out on my family, i have started practicing the exercise and i feel a lot better.
It’s not easy at all but i do feel a lot better.
hi i can not survive when i know my husband is angry with me with one or another thing , earlier he was not like this but now a days in every next day i have to ask him what is wrong? y r u upset??? he avoids me , whn he is angry wht to do??? how to deal ?? help me…
Great tip’s. I’ve absolutely tried listening to music and it work’s for me. I’ve also tried a few other’s. I know that for a lot of people these won’t work’ but i think if you try them most people might find one that work’s for them.
I am very gratefull for what I have got on the website.
Solution can be there but the emotion of someones broblem remain un soloved.
my sis is very angry by nature.she is short tempered. and my mom is also like that and they both fights and sometimes my mom slap her most of times. i dont know what to do..
please suggest me something that how to reduce their anger as i know they are not ready to change
I’m also just going to add this in there, you can “preach to a person, until your face turns blue, but when it’s all said and done, their going to end up doing what they want to do regardless of what you say or how much you try to bribe them!!! Your word’s of wisdom might have helped, but like i said when its all said and some there going to make their own choice!!! =)