Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.
1. When you are angry say nothing.
If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us.
“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “
2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.
Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However, if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then their words and actions will have no effect. Also, if we do not respond in any way to their provocation, they will lose interest and not bother us in the future.
3. Use reason to stop anger.
When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.†Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger.
4. Look kindly upon Others.
Another visualisation, suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda, is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead, you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger.
5. Value Peace more than anger.
If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says:
“You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..â€
6. Always try to understand those who are cross.
Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness, they will seek subconsciously to do the same.
7. Focus on Something Completely Different.
Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive.
8. Breathe Deeply.
The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger.
9. Meditation.
Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. – How to Meditate
10. Smile
When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.
Common Sense
If you leave your unlocked bike in the centre of town, it is likely to get stolen. This can be frustrating and is likely to give rise to feelings of anger. Of course, we should minimise this kind of situation – simply remember to lock your bike. If we feel there is an injustice in our workplace, we should work to resolve it; this will make our work environment more peaceful and less prone to creating anger. If we have a partner who is abusive, the solution is not just dealing with our own anger, but finding a more peaceful living situation.
When we try to transcend anger, it doesn’t mean we have to acquiesce to injustice and unfairness. We should strive to make the world a better place. However, whatever our goals, it is always best to act with poise and a clear mind. Acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve.
Finally as a teacher, I occasionally feign anger to make students pay attention; sometimes, you need to show a stern face. However, as a teacher you can’t afford to allow yourself to be over-run with the emotion of anger because then you may over-react and create problems.
See also:
Photo credit: Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
When its all said and done, their going to make a decision that their going to make! Some people have to learn the “hard way”!! But that’s something they will have to deal with. The choices you make today ALWAYS affects tomorrow and the rest of your life! LIFE IS TO SHORT TO ALWAYS HAVE A FROWN ON YOUR FACE! I’M 16 AND I HAVE BEEN IN FOSTER CARE FOR 6 YEARS AND MY LIFE HASN’T BEEN TO PLEASANT, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU CANT BREAK THE CYCLE!!! Thanks
this site is really very helpful, these points to deal with anger has really helped me to control my anger. thanks
I just broke up with my bf for the haness anger that I have. This is great advice.
Now I know that I have an anger problem! It seems i´ve been angry all my life, and this afects and my family very very much:(
I have been hurting the ones that are really close to me, and then I cry a lot because I know that what I do is wrong:( Oh God , I really need some help here:(
This is wonderful advice because i go through hell just about every day. thanks
haha same here 😉
thank u so much it so hleped me
IT REALLY HELPED ME A LOT, PERSONALLY AND IT IS REALLY MORE EFFECTIVE WHEN YOU SHARE IT WITH THE PERSON THAT YOU ARGUE WITH THE MOST(BF, GF, HUSBAND, WIFE) WHEN WE ARGUE WE START TALKING THE SAME LANGUAGE ACCORDING TO THE ARTICLE WE START TELLING EACH OTHER THAT WE ARE ANGRY AND WE SHOULDN’T TALK ABOUT IT FOR THE MOMENT LET’S SEPARATE FOR A MINUTE OR GO DO SOMETHING ELSE AND THEN SIT DOWN AND TRY TO SOLVE THE ISSUE AND MOST LIKELY WHEN WE COME BACK TO SOLVE THE ISSUE WE BASICALLY SMILE AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND AGREE THAT WE WERE BOTH STRESSED AND ANGRY FOR NO REASON, AND THAT IS WHY I AM SO THANKFUL
How can you deal with an angry person who you’re in a jail cell with? You can’t get away from them and they just keep dogging you until they get a response.
I’m sorry, but harassment eventually has to be dealt with as it is happening or it leaves mental scarring. I’m a good example – I was teased relentlessly in my class for eating cats.
Because of my asian background and my parents owning a restuarant, and being the only asian in a pre-dominantly caucasian (‘white’) high school, I had no escape from this torment. I was also born and raised in Canada so to be accused of something like this felt indescribably awful. I was completely and utterly disgusted.
Unfortunately, whenever I was harassed about this I chose “indifference” as my response. I chose to laugh off or ignore the harassment, but this only made them try harder – eventually leading to class wide humiliation with confetti being dumped all over me. I was withstanding it… I wanted to be mature and ignore the problem… But it hurt too much – the embarassment, the insults, the untrue things they said about me to others…
I went home that night and cried. I did everything of the above written rules and understanding “who they are” and trying to feel kindhearted… but the hurt was still there. And I knew that it would begin all over again the next school day. The next morning. The next day in hell.
After three long years of harassment, my self confidence with people was completely shattered. Then past this point the harassment eventually subsided then stopped. Perhaps they gave up because of the advice up there – that they lost interest?
However, three years of shattered confidence that even today, 14 years in the future, I am still putting together the fallen pieces.
The harassment made me angry and upset and hurt, but choosing the above peaceful methods of inaction made the experience infinitely more painful and torturous than it should have been.
By not expressing how i truly felt towards my perpetrators and never reporting this harassment, I was left far more shattered and broken then any person (child or adult) should ever feel.
There is a time and place for releasing anger, hurt, pain constructively – but never letting it out either leads to passive aggressiveness or complete annhilation of a person’s self-image… of a person’s soul.
I easily get very angry that i feel shaky afterwards and it makes me hate myself after and its like it controls me sometimes it makes me take stupid descions that i regret later.
so much stress and being tired really dosent help with my high temper. i hope this really helps im gonna try it! gonna be hard not to speak my mind but itll be for the best!
I myself always angers easily everybody helps me control it, the 1o ways here are the same thing
reading that piece about the 5 year old actually mad me cry because i was very angry about other things. i blew up on him and hes just a 2 year old baby boy and he never did anything wrong and hearing him cry and me reading this mad me cry i feel bad and i know it was wrong to direct my anger on him. so thank you for opening up my eyes
Thank you for the advise. I am currently dealing with anger issues and after reading this, it really opened my eyes on the importance of life.
the problem i have is just that i cant get over anger until i say it, and if i keep it in mind it takes a while before i forget about it, i just want to learn how not to say anything.i want to learn to say what i feel nicely and forget it is there anyhelpful tip, but this helped me thanks
It’s a very nice article. Anger was always my problem. This article motivate me so much to break my anger. The first to points r specially meant with me. First i will never talk with the person when he was angry on me bcause of any reson. I will say nothing to him when i m feeling angry also… And i m happy to read this. Thanks a lot.
6.. so true. Well right on. Thanks this really helped a lot.