Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.
1. When you are angry say nothing.
If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us.
“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “
2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.
Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However, if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then their words and actions will have no effect. Also, if we do not respond in any way to their provocation, they will lose interest and not bother us in the future.
3. Use reason to stop anger.
When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.†Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger.
4. Look kindly upon Others.
Another visualisation, suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda, is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead, you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger.
5. Value Peace more than anger.
If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says:
“You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..â€
6. Always try to understand those who are cross.
Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness, they will seek subconsciously to do the same.
7. Focus on Something Completely Different.
Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive.
8. Breathe Deeply.
The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger.
9. Meditation.
Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. – How to Meditate
10. Smile
When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.
Common Sense
If you leave your unlocked bike in the centre of town, it is likely to get stolen. This can be frustrating and is likely to give rise to feelings of anger. Of course, we should minimise this kind of situation – simply remember to lock your bike. If we feel there is an injustice in our workplace, we should work to resolve it; this will make our work environment more peaceful and less prone to creating anger. If we have a partner who is abusive, the solution is not just dealing with our own anger, but finding a more peaceful living situation.
When we try to transcend anger, it doesn’t mean we have to acquiesce to injustice and unfairness. We should strive to make the world a better place. However, whatever our goals, it is always best to act with poise and a clear mind. Acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve.
Finally as a teacher, I occasionally feign anger to make students pay attention; sometimes, you need to show a stern face. However, as a teacher you can’t afford to allow yourself to be over-run with the emotion of anger because then you may over-react and create problems.
See also:
Photo credit: Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
It isn’t that easy for me to release my anger in those 10 ways that were given. Because, I want to fight this girl so bad but at the same time I don’t want to get in trouble. Its like when I tried those ten things all my anger just built u
10 Powerful Ways
in me.
It isn’t that easy for me to release my anger in those 10 ways that were given. Because, I want to fight this girl so bad but at the same time I don’t want to get in trouble. Its like when I tried those ten things all my anger just built u
10 Powerful Ways
in me.
These 10 points are good ways to recognize and deal with anger before it gets out of control. It is often hard to control our angry, especially when in the heat of the moment. Anger can stem from previous issues that are triggered by a current situation. I know some of the steps may be hard for those who continuously have anger issues. But it is not impossible to put in effect.
thank you for these help, which has help me to stop angry.
also, it has help me to know how to talk with someone who
is angry. i enjoy when you say that for us to stop angry, we need to smile, that is what i always apply when i am about to be angry. this is very good for someone who is angry. but i will like to ask how can you know if someone is angry? and how cam we stop a person who is angry with itself?
i always have anger on people i dont like or on people who made me mad these people make me the worst i can be so thank u website for giving me ways to calm down my anger
my life is in a very dangerous position by anger.but now i feel good.thanks too muchhhhhhhhhh
i try to hang with my freinds when im mad and not to cuse and forget everything..
Thank you so much ofr the these points, am really encouraged, i work with street children and they make me angry every time, but thes points will help me so much. may God bless you so much.
See My anger is bad and I know its effecting my realtionship with my fiance, I mean she sees it my face and it hurts her to know that I’m so angry and I want to everything in my power to show her that I’m to work on my anger because I love her so much and I don’t want to do anything that will jeopardize us. I pray everyday that God just release this anger out of my spirit so that I can move foward with being happy and joyful like I’m supposed to be.
I’ve been in many situations which have trigured my anger but it’s no excuse for me to let things get underneath my skin, not only that but I have nobody to blame for my actions nor for my anger I take full responsibility and I’m going to take this One step at a time because I want to make things better and I want to be better.
bgill; there lay difference between right & wrong anger, wishful thinking a core feature of yourself will magicly vanish is obsurd. instead be placid thus not making the issue less of a issue.
thanks a lot for giving very worthful steps to control my anger …….
marvellous article this one is really really helpful for me my mother is really fedup with my intense anger but by reading this i shall be make many improvement to deal anger cases inshallah
thanxx for dis article this is really vry hlpfull
Firstly i would like to thanking you for the post of very meaningful articles . It’s really very helpful way to get control on even extreme anger situation .Now my anger sometimes compel me in lot of delusion. I am actually very cool minded and never wants to poke my tension level but once when i start angry i completely lost my control and reach the extreme of it. I would like to know is there any way that i can’t anger at all…!
I hope i am able to follow these & get rid of my anger burst and save my life from getting ruined
to overcome anger you must first humble yourself asnd forgive quickly. the other person or thing or even yourself. you can not change the past but you can affect the future. forgiveness is the key!!!
my brother has anger isues
How would one deal with internalized anger? I was in a situation recently where I would have loved nothing better than to strike out physically at a person who was verbally and nearly physically assaulting me. I did not however, but the anger is still there, like fire under my skin and a cauldron of darkness in my gut.
good tips…