Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.
1. When you are angry say nothing.
If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us.
“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “
2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.
Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However, if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then their words and actions will have no effect. Also, if we do not respond in any way to their provocation, they will lose interest and not bother us in the future.
3. Use reason to stop anger.
When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.†Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger.
4. Look kindly upon Others.
Another visualisation, suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda, is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead, you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger.
5. Value Peace more than anger.
If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says:
“You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..â€
6. Always try to understand those who are cross.
Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness, they will seek subconsciously to do the same.
7. Focus on Something Completely Different.
Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive.
8. Breathe Deeply.
The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger.
9. Meditation.
Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. – How to Meditate
10. Smile
When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.
Common Sense
If you leave your unlocked bike in the centre of town, it is likely to get stolen. This can be frustrating and is likely to give rise to feelings of anger. Of course, we should minimise this kind of situation – simply remember to lock your bike. If we feel there is an injustice in our workplace, we should work to resolve it; this will make our work environment more peaceful and less prone to creating anger. If we have a partner who is abusive, the solution is not just dealing with our own anger, but finding a more peaceful living situation.
When we try to transcend anger, it doesn’t mean we have to acquiesce to injustice and unfairness. We should strive to make the world a better place. However, whatever our goals, it is always best to act with poise and a clear mind. Acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve.
Finally as a teacher, I occasionally feign anger to make students pay attention; sometimes, you need to show a stern face. However, as a teacher you can’t afford to allow yourself to be over-run with the emotion of anger because then you may over-react and create problems.
See also:
Photo credit: Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
i am married an i got angry an it cost me my marriage 2 days ago over some thing small, today is my anniversery an even though i forgave my husband for his anger an inffadelity many times, he said i does get angry alot,ys i do but not like him , i wish i had read this 2 days ago cause so much has come to light by reading this now,i want to thank you an i do need help i snap easy because of my anger,an it has cost me alot i hve one friend an others dnt wnt to be around me.please asis me if you can thank you once again.
i am always getting angry at every one.this website has really helped me guys. and its going to help many other angry birds.
Honestly i have tried every single one of these. I hat to say this but all things that have been going on in my life now( girlfriend( im 15) just going into highschool and then straight up family issues) have frightengly brought suicidel thoughts to mind. But i have tried my own techiniques of releiving anger for one- listening to Heavy metal or dubstep neutralizes the anger like a sponge soaking up water. Another way is to actually go out side and through some puches in the air. Anger to releases a chemicle into the nerves that cause scientifically proven strenght improvement for the time you are anger, even dangeroursly strong improvements.
This is very good. I had an argument with my office mate a week a go and since then we’ve been hitting each other with side comments and Insults.It makes me angry and has affected my performance.He enjoys it but i don’t. I tried these tips and It really worked for me. Now I’m doing very well with work and with my relationship with my colleagues.
Anger is a very bad master. To control anger one must keep quite.
I have had anger problems my whole life and with school home and trying really hard to get a good education anger doesnt help so i hope this helps me because before all i had was my music but now i have this to help me so i hope it works
Number 2 works best for me. If a person is always trying to get the best out of me, I go to great lengths to cut that person out of my life. I used to like to “keep my enemies closer” but found out that seeing them constantly just makes me more angry. So now, I stay away.
hi guys im struggling at the moment with anger problems have done for several years now what is the best way to deal with a sittuation that makes me angry plz help xxx
nice ways to deal wid anger 🙂
nice ways to deal with anger 🙂
Great advice. For me the thing that I always come back to is breathing. There is something about focusing on the gently flow of the breath in and out of your body that just has a soothing quality, that helps to bring you back into the now and clear you mind.
Thank you, I just added this to my favorites, I think the first one nailed it, talking when mad only makes things worse.
Right. Well too bad none of this will work when my mom’s chasing me around the house and throwing comments designed specifically to make me really angry and defensive and/or hurt me. Any ideas?
Great article, love the way you simply explained the ways to overcome anger, and so practical too. I actually myself had a really bad temper but managed to control it. I also read that if you are angry all the time you are a person with a bad luck: http://pranaworld.net/frequent-anger-brings-bad-luck/ it was actually interesting. thanks again for the great work, keep it up 🙂
This is some great advice.
Another author also recommends many similar techniques and has put them into an 8 step process. He also suggests the use of meditation, but in a somewhat different manner – to get to the root of the pain that fuels our anger. Here’s a video where he describes his technique (also with a free ebook):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbQV_CgtaBo
I’ve found that acknowledging and working with anger is far healthier than suppressing it which for me led to irrational outbursts. Christopher Nevill also has a book out which you can check out over here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008KJM3A8
great advice but i have tried most of them & i still get angry a lot HELP!!
by the way just added you 2 my favorites
I think meditation is the best solution for me dealing with anger. And then smile and look through all the positive sides and remembering only beautiful moments.
thanx it helped me with completing my school projet!!
I have heard , that using pearl can help reduce anger is it true..please help me. All my loved once are going away cox of ma ANGER..PLZ HELP…