How To Overcome Jealousy

Jealousy is an emotion which makes us either subtly or obviously depressed. When we are jealous, we strangle our own happiness because we resent the success or existence of other people. However, we can overcome jealousy by simply changing our view of life, love and our view about ourself. If we can overcome jealousy, we will gain tremendous happiness and peace of mind.

Jealousy
is a deep-rooted
Love-rejection-life.

Sri Chinmoy [1]

These are some tips to overcome jealousy.

1. Remember our good qualities

This is not the best way to overcome jealousy, but it can help in a practical way. Jealousy is often rooted in insecurity. We fear other people are ‘better’, ‘more attractive’, ‘more successful’. As a result, we become jealous of their good qualities. Instead of comparing with other people, we can think of our own good qualities, which are naturally different to other people. Everybody has different talents and strengths, we shouldn’t expect to be great at everything. We need humility, but also to maintain our self-respect. If we can cultivate this self-belief then we will not feel jealous because someone succeeds in something else. (How to boost your self-esteeem)

 

Love is not limited

Jealousy often arises because of the view that love is limited. We think if a person loves someone else, that means there is less love for us. We equate love to having a sack of 100 gold coins and feel if they spend their money on someone else, they have nothing left over for us. But, real love is not like that. If a person can feel divine / selfless love, they will not limit this to one person, they will want to share to everyone.  If a mother has one child, her love is not diminished when she has a second child. Now it is possible, that a young child may feel jealous if their parents spend more time with a new child, but it is only the same care and love they give to all their children. The fact they temporarily have to spend more time on the newborn, does not in any way diminish the amount of love they have for the first child. This is how love should be. If we really love, it is not limited, but only wishes to spread.

 

Love means wanting the happiness of other people

People sometimes feel that if you don’t feel jealous, you can’t really love. People might even complain if their partner is not jealous! But, if love is pure, then you would really want happiness for the other person. If the person you love gains and benefits from an association with the other person, you should welcome that. Jealousy is only trying to strangle their happiness. How can it be love, when we seek to make the person unhappy because our pride and vanity are hurt?

“Love” is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own…Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy”

― Robert A. Heinlein

 

Don’t Allow Yourself to be Hurt by the actions of others

Love does not mean we possess someone; it does not mean we seek to control them. Even to those who we love most, we still have to recognise that each soul has to choose their own path. If someone makes a choice we do not like. We should not feel guilty or make them feel guilty. We can offer advice. We can support them to make the right decision, but we can’t live for them. If, in spite of our best intentions, they pursue a wrong path – we have to maintain a certain detachment. We’ve offered our goodwill and selfless-love, but don’t make yourself unhappy because of someone else’s personal choices.

• If we try to keep someone all to our self, we will become possessive and easily jealous. If we always wish someone to be sincerely happy, then we will not become jealous, even if they pursue a course we would not advise.

 

Spiritual Oneness

The best spiritual approach is to feel that you can become one with the achievements of other people. If this sounds difficult start off by making a conscious decision to appreciate when other people do good things. Also, feel that by appreciating other people’s good qualities, you are consciously cultivating these good qualities. Notice that when you try to feel oneness with other people you feel happy. When you feel jealous, you definitely won’t.

If someone does something good. Feel that if they can do some thing really good then I can do the same. Therefore, we can feel grateful for the example they have set.

“Finally, the real spiritual way to conquer jealousy is to feel that you are one with the person who is the object of your jealousy. For example, if someone is a better actor than you are, feel that it is you who are acting. In this way, you can conquer jealousy and, at the same time, expand your own consciousness.

 – Sri Chinmoy  [2]

References

[1]  My Jealousy Is My Madness-Burden, Agni Press, 1994.

[2] How To Overcome Jealousy at Sri Chinmoy Library

Photo by: Sharani, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries