Happiness will follow you

Recently I have been helping to prepare some of my students for university interviews. One thing stood out – the importance of confidence. It seems many young people lack a measured confidence in their own abilities and this is one of the biggest things holding them back.

What is Confidence?

Confidence is belief in your self. It means you think of your strong attributes and not your weaknesses – real or imaginary. Confidence is not an arrogant self exertion. It is not the confidence of a Julius Ceasar – “I came, I saw, I conquered” It is a confidence which allows your real self to come forward. Confidence is compatible with modesty and humility. If we really have self confidence we will not feel obliged to try and convince others. When people exert their ego and tell us of their own achievement and greatness, it is often because they actually lack self-confidence. Therefore, they are fishing for complements to boost their fragile ego and self-confidence.

How Can we Build up Our Confidence?

Practise

Some students are so lacking in confidence they want to avoid even the mock interviews. This is the worst thing to do. If we spend our time worrying about potential outcomes our confidence evaporates as we imagine unpleasant scenarios. There is a lot to be said for remaining active and practising what we lack confidence in. When we actually do something, we realise that many of our fears are ungrounded and therefore we can effectively build up our confidence. If we never practise, we will always struggle with confidence. If we lack confidence in speaking with people the best thing is to try and find situations where we can get plenty of practise.

• In short to build up confidence – Less thinking more doing!

Learning To Deal With Criticism

On various occasions we will be criticised. But, this should not be the end of our world. The criticism does not apply to our self, but a certain action or aspect of our being. In this sense we should look upon the criticism as just an opportunity to improve and learn. If the criticism has an unpleasant tone, we should pay no attention to that. It is important to keep a balanced attitude, don’t just focus on the criticism of others, remember also the encouragement of others.

Don’t Compare

It is funny how many potential interviewees imagine that everyone else must be the perfect candidate who is able to seamlessly switch between explaining the economics of the credit crunch to discussing the implications of Kantian ethics on issues of euthanasia. The point is by comparing ourselves to others, we are liable to lose our self confidence because it is easy to generate feelings of inadequacy.

Continue reading “Building Up Self Confidence”

Why?

Why do we try to try blame others for weaknesses in our own nature?

Why do we make ourselves unhappy by cherishing negative thoughts?

Why do we always want to have the last word?

Why do we place so much emphasis on the misinformed criticisms of others?

Why do we struggle to find time to spend even 10 minutes a day on the cultivation of our own inner peace.

Why do we give so much importance to the fleeting prospects of name and fame?

Why do we struggle to see the beautiful and simple in every day life?

Why are we instinctively drawn to the faults of others and remain blind to their good qualities?

Why do we continue to pursue habits we know are bad for us?

Why do we so often live in the past, reliving old problems?

Why do we get malicious pleasure from speaking ill of other people?

Why do we  feel responsible for the progress of the world?

Why do we doubt our own capacities?

Why do we give so much importance to the accumulation of material wealth?

Why?

The counting shed is on the right, at a 24 hour race organised by Sri Chinmoy M.T.

Happiness can be a strange thing. The things we expect will give us happiness sometimes fail to live up to our expectations. Yet, when we stop chasing happiness, we can find happiness in the most unlikely of situations.

Counting at a 24 Hour Race

For 24 Hours, Runners run around a standard 400 m athletic track. Every 2 minutes or so your runner will pass by and as a counter you note down their time. Now, the first thing people might say is why? Why run around a traffic and isn’t it boring to spend 24 hours counting a couple of runners go past every 2 minutes? The strange thing is that the first hour can pass quite slowly, and you start thinking this 12 hour shift is going to be a long time. But, after a while time starts to slip by. You enter a different world and become absorbed in the fortunes of your runners. You become inspired at the collective efforts at self transcendence. I also enjoy the gentle banter and jokes with the other counters in the counting shed.

(see also: Counting Shed by Sumangali)

Washing Dishes.

If you were thinking of moments of happiness, you wouldn’t expect ‘work’ to be there. The thing is I actually really enjoyed doing the dishes, even though I was working in a ‘Little Chef’. It was a very simple work where you could get into a routine. There was great satisfaction in transforming the dirty plates into clean neat piles. Dishwashing was my domain, I was responsible for keeping it clean.  The important thing was the attitude to washing. If I thought about the job I would think – there are many better things I could be doing with my time; I don’t want to be a dishwasher for the rest of my life. However, when I ignored these thoughts, when I just focused on the present moment and the action of washing dishes, time flew past. It became a meditative action because I was just focusing on the act of dishwashing and was concentrated on the job in hand. And I really enjoyed it.

Monty Python Silly Walks

Once a year, with friends from the English Sri Chinmoy Centres, we put on a very informal plays and skits. The idea is to have fun. My contribution is performing Monty Python sketches and in particular the John Cleese silly walk. I love watching Monty Python, but, when you perform it yourself, it offers a much greater level of enjoyment. In a TV age, we are so used to entertainment being passive, that we forget how much entertainment we can have by actually taking part in something. It is innocent fun, and having a good laugh is one of the best medicines for the mind. see: Monty Python Silly Walks at Youtube

Racing up Hills

I do enjoy racing my bike. Sometimes you get frustrated because you are not as fast as you would like. But, generally cycle racing is very good. I love the sense of achievement, the stretching of your own abilities and seeking to see how far you can push yourself. For some strange reason I really love hill climb races – basically races up a hill. Last week was the National Hill climb Championships in Matlock, a 2 minute climb up a hill of 20%. Half way up I felt dizzy in the head, all the blood had drained to my legs. It felt like I was dancing on the limits of my capacity. But, I felt really happy when I finished the race!

Singing

My earliest memories of singing was going to a school choir practice and singing very badly so they would have no chance of asking me to join. Actually, I had no need to try and sing badly, I could have just sang to the best of my abilities and I wouldn’t have been taken. So it was rather surprising that later in life, I would get so much from singing devotional songs composed by Sri Chinmoy and others. Singing can awaken a different part of our being. It can take us out of ourselves an in particular make us feel there is much more to life.

Question for the readers – Do you have any unexpected moments of happiness you would like to share?

Have there ever been times when you thought wow, i can’t believe I enjoyed that!

Related:

• Source Of Happiness
• Happiness and the Heart

Often the news of an impending economic recession is accompanied by an equally heavy mental recession – our minds shrink to thoughts of fear and uncertainty, and the days ahead seem filled with gloom. It need not be like this, and in fact we are only making the situation worse for ourselves by becoming more depressed. Here are a few pointers for facing financial hard times with poise and calmness:

Focus on the here and now

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.

– The Buddha

It is very easy to imagine worst case scenarios and let them distract you from the things that need to be done. We may not have control over all the factors that dictate our economic well-being, but at least if we can do the things we have control over, we can look into the future knowing that we have done our best. Taking practical here-and-now steps gives us a sense of empowerment and generates a sense of momentum in our lives, whereas worrying has quite the opposite effect – making us feel more and more helpless!

Learn the art of detachment

Circumstances cannot change man’s life.
His attitude can and does.

– Sri Chinmoy

Too often we let our well being lie in thrall to “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”, as Shakespeare would put it. We are elated when circumstances are good, deflated when things are not so good. And yet our outer circumstances will always be in a state of flux, like the waves in the ocean: rising, falling and rising again. The chances are that in our lifetime we will probably live through quite a few periods of economic growth and recession, just as we go through good and bad in our personal lives. We have to make a choice: whether we wish to remain a small boat in the middle of the ocean, emotionally tossed around with every rise and fall of the waves, or we can be a huge ocean liner, remaining steadfast on course regardless of the ups and downs. Continue reading “How To Keep Your Inner Wealth In Times Of Recession”

An easier life does not mean we vegetate in front of the TV trying to avoid reality. An easier life, involves simplifying unnecessary complications; it means being at peace with ourself; it means we learn how to get on with people avoiding interpersonal conflicts. If we have the right attitude life will be easier and more enjoyable no matter how active and dynamic we are.

Life is undoubtedly a challenge, but, at the same time there are several things that we can do to make life easier and more enjoyable.

Mind Your Own Business

Unfortunately, humans have a strong propensity for gossip and meddling, but this is generally undesirable. We have many of our own problems and weaknesses, but, we often fall into a trap of thinking that we can better sort out the problems of others. It is even worse when we have no inclination to even help others, but, we just get a certain pleasure from knowing about the misfortunes of others. When we meddle in the affairs of others, we add needless complications to our own life. It is also a mistake to feel that we are responsible and can change others, when we do this we only add unnecessary complications and worries to our life.

This does not entail an indifference to the fortunes of others, especially close friends and families. It means we don’t get needlessly involved in gossip and affairs where we have no right.

Do Things 100%

An easier life does not mean a lazy life of slouching around. If we are lethargic and lacking in enthusiasm life will seem dull, boring and passes slowly. When we throw ourselves 100% into a project we become energised with focus – it helps to give life meaning. When our life has meaning we feel happier and this is the crucial aspect.

The worst thing is half heartedly trying to do several things at once, but not getting any of them done at all. We are left with a feeling of inadequacy and stress.

Make Time For Yourself

We are very adept at creating pressure for ourselves. We try to do many things and put pressure on ourselves to meet certain standards. When we rush from one thing to the next, we feel under constant strain – there seems no let up in the endless stress and strains of life. There are certain things we really do have to do, but, there are also many things that are unnecessary. With a bit of foresight we can make time for ourselves. For example, rather than wasting 15 mins watching the news in the morning, we can spend 10 minutes for breathing exercises / meditation, then leave for work 5 mins earlier. This extra time means we lose alot of the unnecessary stress of being late.

Be Kind

This is the easiest and most effective strategy for an easier life. When we are kind, we will definitely notice people reciprocate. If we are forgiving and tolerant, we will find people will be more tolerant and forgiving of our mistakes. If we have a compassionate attitude and avoid creating conflict with others, it makes life so much easier and more enjoyable. It is such a simple but effective strategy, it is surprising we don’t give it more focus. Even more important than being kind to others is being kind to yourself.

Humility

If you made a mistake how would you respond? Would you worry over what others thought? Would you feel obliged to defend yourself or push the blame onto others? When we have an attitude of humility we don’t worry over our ego. We don’t feel the overwhelming necessity of impressing others and defending ourselves. The stronger our ego, the more we worry and fear, even if this worry is unconscious.

Don’t Try to Live A Different Life.

The easiest way to get through life, is by living our own life and not trying to be something else. Often we waste a lot of mental energy wishing we had different breaks in life. We think – only if we had different opportunities or could be someone else life would be better. When we start life with acceptance of our current situation then that is the first step to an easier life. We should definitely try to improve our life situation, but, we don’t waste time complaining about how we got to our present situation.

Simplify Your Life.

These are 10 strategies to having a simpler life. Simplicity has tremendous power to create focus and remove unnecessary obstacles.

Photo by Unmesh Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

In theory, the morning is a wonderful time. It is a fresh start, the atmosphere is calm, there is chance for a new beginning. But, often this chance is for a fresh start is lost, because we jump straight into our old anxieties and worries. If we wish to cultivate greater peace of mind, the best place to start is first thing in the morning. This is true even if you are not a ‘morning person’ like me!

These are some suggestions for making the most of the morning.

Regular time of Rising.

If we can keep regular hours of sleep / waking it becomes much easier to get up. If we lie in, it throws the body clock out. Even if we had a late night, it is good to try and get up at the usual time. The worst thing is to lie in bed, kind of dosing. We are not getting the benefits of proper sleep, but, we are losing precious time.

The Morning sets the day.

On awakening in the morning, the first few minutes should be seen as a golden opportunity to set the tone for the day. Keep the mind calm, don’t start worrying about the problems of yesterday or what might happen later. Hold positive thoughts about what you would like to achieve in the day. If you have good intentions about what you would like to do, it becomes easier to actually do them.

Newness.

Feel every day is an opportunity to do something new, to become a better person. Don’t think of the monotony of your routine. Even in the most regular routine, you have the opportunity to be of service to others and improve your mind. Cultivate a sense of gratitude for the new opportunity and new day.

Leave  Your  Computer / Mobile Phone.

Modern technology is undoubtedly a boon in some ways, but, there is a danger of becoming a slave to it. At least, for the first hour don’t check your email, or starting texting. Most of the day, we are immersed in the activities of the world; for an hour try to be away from technology and the news. Give yourself a chance to be detached from the endless information of the internet and TV. Give space to yourself. If possible find time to walk in nature, meditate or some other activity than inspires you. Give yourself something to look forward to when waking up. You don’t have to get immersed in work activities as soon as you rise.

Exercise.

If you struggle to get going in the morning; exercise is an excellent way to get the blood circulation going. Exercise can also help to clear the mind.

Continue reading “How To Deal With the Morning”

We’ve all heard about detox programs for the body, which aim to clear away all the toxins which block our system. Well, considering the amount of mental ‘toxins’ we indulge in everyday in the form of negative and destructive thoughts, I thought why not have a mental detox program too? By this, I mean a series of practives you could do for a couple of weeks, or a month, at the end of which your thoughts would be purged of negativity and a new clarity and peace of mind could emerge in your life.

As any army general will tell you, an adversary is best attacked on multiple fronts at once, and so it is with our thoughts. These five steps outlined below – meditation, simplification, inspiration, exercise and positivity – work hand in hand to keep you in a good frame of mind throught the day. I would recommend you start with a timeframe like two weeks and see how you get on, and then maybe the next time try it for a month or even longer.

Step 1: Meditation

Meditation, is quite simply, the art of stilling the mind and going beyond your thoughts to a space of peace and beauty inside yourself. If you are serious about trying to rid the mind of negative thoughts, then I would recommend you make time for a meditation practice at least once a day. It is best if you do it at the same time every day (so as to build up a habit) – for many reasons, the ideal time is early in the morning, directly after you wake up and have a shower and before you eat breakfast.However if you can’t do this, at least pick some time of the day where you can sit down for five or ten minutes undisturbed. We have written quite a few articles on meditation and concentration exercises (see resource list below); try these different techniques and see which one best suits you. Continue reading “A Five-Point Detox Program for the Mind”

Recently, we posted on how to deal with angry customers. In this post, we continuing our series on dealing with anger. – This time, how to reduce our own anger

In this post, I would like to consider some more suggestions for resolving problems of anger

Short Term

Anger is a sudden emotion that can flare up and take us by surprise. In this immediate time period it is most powerful. When we feel overpowered by anger it is important to try and delay our response. If we try to remain detached, even for a moment, the force of the anger will start to dissipate. Then it becomes easier to view the issue objectively.

• When anger takes us by surprise, it is helpful to do some deliberate exercises that take our mind away from the anger. If we breathe calmly, slowly and deliberately, this will definitely help reduce the impact of the anger. Even just counting can help. All that happens is that we are forced to think of something else and this on its own reduces the power of our anger.

In the Long Term, if we can’t get rid of underlying anger and resentment, we can try these techniques.

Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,”

– William Shakespeare

In life, people will do stupid, irritating things, if we expect perfection from others, if we expect our life to be free of problems we will always be doomed to disappointment. Life is too short to harbour grudges and anger against people.

What is Gained, What is Lost?

Nursing anger towards others is a guaranteed to make us depressed. But, does it help change the situation? The point is we need to be wise, if we are angry and miserable we gain nothing. If we nurse anger and are unable to get rid of it, it will be ourselves who lose out. If we can detach from anger, if we can move on, then we can regain our inner happiness. Wanting to be peaceful, is the most important step in actually achieving it. If we realise the benefits of dealing with our anger, we will make persistent efforts to get rid of it.

Continue reading “Anger Management Techniques”

For anything great and good that you want to do in your life, there is one crucial prerequisite – inspiration. A good inspiration brings with it a wave of energy that by itself can propel you over the finish line. Conversely when we are devoid of inspiration, everything can seem difficult, tedious and boring, and we get no joy out of what we are doing.

Inspiration and the mind

Inspiration is so important because it keeps the mind positive and focused on the bigger picture. We often think we are in control of our minds and what we think, but even a brief analysis of our thoughts reveals a different story: that our negative thoughts act as a huge barrier to our self growth.

The mind is very prone to vacillation and doubt, switching from one way to the other at a moment’s notice. Often when you feel a deep inner yearning to accomplish something, the mind will at first go along with it, enticed by the novelty factor. However, when the going gets rough and you begin to encounter obstacles in reaching your goal, the mind will often be the first one to jump ship! By introducing outer sources of inspiration to your life, you help your mind “see the forest for the trees” and work with you to achieve your goals.

Feeling that you are not alone

Sometimes the process of bringing purpose and meaning into your life means you have to boldly step into territory uncharted by most of the people around you. You begin to explore options beyond the nine-to-five cycle of eating, working and sleeping, and begin to move away towards a deeper sense of being. Because many of those around you aren’t as interested as you are in living out your full potential, it is very easy to feel that you are ploughing a lonely furrow, and this can make you wonder if indeed you are doing the right thing in the first place. That’s why keeping in touch with inspiring people and reading inspiring stories is no important, because it lets you see that others have been in same place as you. If they have gone on to achieve their goals, then why can’t you?

Keeping inspired

Because the mind gets bored of new things very quickly, you constantly need to replenish your sourse of inspiration:

• Having like minded people around you can be great in that regard – you can guarantee that if one person in the group isnt feeling particularly inspired, someone else will be, and their inspiration will act as a lift-me-up tonic. Also, together you serve as a valuable source of new ideas – when one person finds out something that works for them, then he or she can easily spread that with everyone else.
• Always keeping a sense of newness in what you do is always essential – for example, to stop my meditation practice from becoming dull and uninspired, I often add a new meditation exercise to my morning routine, or redecorate my meditation space.
• Reading can be a powerful source of inspiration, as it directly affects the mind. Reading personal inspiration stories can be particularly powerful, because you can put yourself in the shoes of that person and imagine yourself overcoming those obstacles.

After inspiration, then what?

You can use the inspiration you have as a launchpad to increase your aspiration – your inner yearning for fulfilment. Many people who give seminars on success in different fields all say the same thing – that the difference between attaining a goal and not attaining it is simply whether you wanted it badly enough. The very act of increasing your aspiration helps to inwardly move you away from the situation you are dissatisfied with, and you feel that inside your heart you are actually beginning to effect the changes that you want to see in your life.

As the old saying goes: “when you really want something, the entire universe conspires to help you achieve it.”

(I am dedicating this article to my main source of inspiration, my meditation teacher Sri Chinmoy, who passed away one year ago on October 11.)