Could You do This?

white flower

Sometimes it is good to look at life from a different perspective and offer ourselves challenges. Challenges don’t have to be physical challenges of running a marathon or climbing a mountain. These questions test our inner attitude to life; it tests how much we hang onto our ego and how much we can be liberated from the confines of the mind. They are not necessarily easy to do, but, it is an interesting experience and offers a different perspective on life.

Could you get Joy from Your Enemies Achievement?

Think of a person that you dislike or someone who just irritates you. Suppose that they did something really great for the world, how would you feel? Would you be happy and proud they had at last done something good?  Or would you be unable to offer appreciation, feeling a mixture of jealousy and pride that you are still better than them. If we can appreciate people who have irritated us, it means we have a magnanimous heart. It means we can detach from insignificant problems and worries. Too often we allow certain things to permanently cloud our judgement and opinion of others.

Feel Grateful for Criticism

We like praise, we dislike criticism. This is an instinctive view of life. However, it is often very difficult to receive criticism in the right way. The problem is that when criticised we feel personally offended, even though the criticism is for maybe a small action. Maybe the criticism is unjustified, but, also maybe it spot on. Even if criticism is offered with unkind words, it can still contain very good advice which can help us improve. If we just took criticism as an opportunity to learn and grow, we could look upon criticism as beneficial as praise. In fact criticism maybe more useful than praise; we learn little from praise, but it does boost the ego. Continue reading “Could You do This?”

Suffering and Self Development

suffering

Is suffering necessary for our self-improvement or does it hinder our progress? How often do we suffer unnecessarily because of our own mind, and how we can learn and progress, despite periods of unavoidable suffering? These are some thoughts on suffering.

Don’t Invite Suffering

Most of our mental problems are self imposed. When we examine our own mind we realise how many unnecessary fears and anxieties we hold onto. It is these thoughts that are our real source of suffering; but, there is no need to cherish them at all. Make a conscious effort to let go of those thoughts which cause only internal suffering; look upon these thoughts as a dark spot on your own heart. Try to cultivate the opposite of suffering which is happiness. When we are inwardly sincerely happy we will make more progress, we will also be able to share our inner wealth with others. How can we uplift others, when we ourselves are thoroughly miserable?

Suffering Lowers Our Consciousness

Sometime we feel that if we have many crosses to bear we will make tremendous progress. But, often when we suffer what happens is that we feel miserable and unhappy; when we are unhappy we subconsciously seek to blame the world and inevitably we share our suffering with others. On the other hand sometimes when we have many problems we also feel proud and important that we have so many difficulties to deal with. It is because of emotions like this that we cling onto our negative emotions.

Progress Through Suffering

When life is easy and problem free we coast along with little concern for our self improvement; life is pleasurable so we are content to remain as we are. However, difficult experiences often force us to re-evaluate our approach and attitude to life. Perhaps our pride has been hurt or we feel guilty for having made a mistake. It is these shocks to the system that create the motivation to aim for higher ideals and be less self absorbed. When we look back, at what felt like a period of unfair suffering, we later feel that it was completely necessary and actually the start of a fresh beginning.

Continue reading “Suffering and Self Development”

Forgiving Your Enemies

It is easy to talk about the desirability of forgiving your enemies. But, in practise it can be difficult to both forgive and forget. This post is inspired by a reader asking how they might overcome a ‘grudge’ against someone. I don’t feel particularly qualified to answer this question, but, I will suggest a few ideas that might help; maybe readers may have a few more.

1. Intention is the most important Step

To the reader who asked the question, I would say the most important step is the desire to give up the grudge. If we see the desirability of forgiving and moving on then it definitely becomes possible. Whatever we focus on becomes achievable. But, if we have no willingness to give up hostility towards other people it will never happen. – If we dearly cherish our own negativity we can’t expect an angel to come and take away all our hostility. I would suggest that it is important to keep reminding yourself of your wish to be free from this negative grudge. Even if it is difficult to achieve, keep reminding yourself of the goal.

2. Forgiveness = Happiness

If you hold ill will towards another, this hatred and enmity will inevitably cloud your own happiness. It is not possible to hate and be truly satisfied. Why should you allow your enemies to spoil your own peace of mind and inner joy? Try this exercise; when you are aware of ill will towards others, try to feel it is like a black spot on your own heart. By hating others, you do not change anything; but, you do make your own life miserable. When we are unhappy no situation is improved. When we see our own happiness is dependent upon letting go of grudges, we will be more inspired to try and do it. Be kind to yourself, let go of negativity towards other people. (note this does not mean we are condoning bad actions of others. It just means we detach from the situation, we can still hate the action but are free of the personal enmity which is so corrosive to ourself.)

3. Human Justice and Divine Justice.

We have an innate desire for justice; when we feel wronged instinctively we desire to return the suffering. This is one way of living; but it is not necessarily the best. Just because someone deserves to be punished doesn’t mean we are responsible for making them suffer. If we believe in Karma, we feel that everyone is responsible for their actions. What we do, will come back to us ‘As we sow we reap’ However, if we feel responsible for rectifying every injustice, it is we who will suffer. Continue reading “Forgiving Your Enemies”

Should we Always Tell the Truth?

 

sunset 400

A truth that’s told with bad intent Beats all the lies you can invent.

– William Blake.

Under what circumstances is it justified to lie? Is the truth the ultimate moral imperative or should we be willing to tell lies? There are some situations, where a higher purpose can be served by not telling the truth. However, these cases are rare. In practice, it is often too easy to justify a lie, when we are only really trying to serve our own interests. These are some of the issues about lying and telling the truth.

Truth and Common Sense Wisdom

If our mother prepares a pie that is disappointing, we should not feel a moral compulsion to tell her exactly what we feel. In these cases we can use our wisdom and avoid telling an unnecessary truth. We don’t have to lie, but, nor do we have to make her aware of shortcomings and thus hurt her feelings. If somebody gets joy from cooking, why do we have to spoil that by zealously stating the truth? This does not mean we have to give false praise and flattery. But, it is good to take a diplomatic approach; being a bad cook is hardly a crime. Hurting someone’s feeling is unnecessary. Similarly if someone’s dress sense is ‘unique’ don’t feel obliged to state exactly what is in on your mind. 🙂

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant —
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth’s superb surprise

– Emily Dickinson

BTW: It is difficult to make rules, we have to use our inner wisdom for this kind of thing. My mother is a very good cook, but, I enjoy giving her both criticism and praise; in a way she appreciates the honesty (I hope). It depends on the person; some are more sensitive than others.

Humility

There are times when we get into trouble and instinctively we seek to lie to avoid damage to our personal standing. However, if we are honest we save ourselves getting into complicated situations where we need to keep lying to maintain a false pretence. Usually it is better to tell the truth, admit mistakes and move on. It makes life simpler, there is also great humility in admitting mistakes; it is this quality that people will appreciate and value. Continue reading “Should we Always Tell the Truth?”

Tips to Deal With Lack of Self Confidence

dusk

This is in response to a readers question about how to deal with lack of confidence.

List Some Positive Qualities

Here, you have to be honest with yourself. Yes, you will have some weaknesses, but, also you have some strengths and good qualities. If you lack self confidence maybe you are sensitive person, who is keenly aware of other people’s feelings. Turn this sensitivity into a strength; feel that your empathy with other people makes you a better person. Try to list several good qualities and / or several positive contributions that you have made and avoid feelings of false modesty.

Spend Time With Positive People.

Unfortunately, sometimes when we lack self confidence we can gravitate towards people who instinctively like to put others down. (This behaviour is rooted in their own insecurities – they knock other people to make themselves feel better). However, spending time with negative people is inevitably very bad for our self confidence. It is a real shame when this happens repeatedly for some people. Look closely at the people you spend your time with, if they are always criticising you (either directly or indirectly) try spend more time with people who don’t.

Be Yourself – Don’t Imitate

You can only gain self-confidence when you are trying to be yourself. In some social situations we feel awkward so the temptation is to do what you think other people expect; we try to be somebody we are not. But, when we are trying to be someone that we are not, inevitably we lack self-confidence because the element of falseness in being something we are not.

Continue reading “Tips to Deal With Lack of Self Confidence”

Happy New Year!

An Eye in the Sky

When our heart flies
Towards Heaven,
Time stands still.
It does not interfere.

– Sri Chinmoy

Just a short note to wish all readers a happy new Year!

Thanks for all the comments and questions. I’m sorry if I am sometimes a bit slow responding. I have actually been working on 2 readers questions and have nearly finished the articles, they will be coming out soon.

Picture by Unmesh Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre galleries.

Unmesh titled this picture ‘An Eye in the Sky’

How To Make 2008 a Better Year Than 2007

These are some tips to bring a new perspective into your life during the new year. There are several simple but effective changes that we can make to enable the new year to bring in real change and new opportunities.

Be Bold

Don’t spend another year sitting on the fence. Don’t spend your time complaining about little things. Look to the bigger picture and be willing to follow your heart’s aspirations, don’t be limited by the mind’s doubts and criticisms of other people. Being bold doesn’t mean being reckless; being bold means that we do things with confidence; it means that we live true to ourselves and avoid living upto the expectations of others. Being Bold means to value life and live life to the full

He who does not love life,
To him life is a taut
And rigid grasp.
He who loves life,
To him life is a beautiful
And powerful clasp.

Sri Chinmoy

Decide the Balance that you need in life.

We cannot underestimate the importance of balance in our daily activities. If we give all importance to earning money, we may get a lot of money; but, have no opportunity to spend time with our family. Similarly, if we have a habit of taking life too seriously, it is important to give more time to activities that create joy. When we take life too seriously, our mind comes to the fore with many complaints and judgements.

Make A Dream Come True

If you have dreams and aspirations, you always think are not possible – why not resolve to make them come true? We can always find excuses not to start something; the mind will always give a long list of complaints and grievances. But, also if we want to do something special we have to have the confidence and faith to give it a go. Don’t fear failure, you have nothing to lose.

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. “

George Bernard Shaw

Continue reading “How To Make 2008 a Better Year Than 2007”

Creating New Year Resolutions that Work

translucence unmesh

The New Year is an excellent opportunity to take a fresh look at life. It is a time when we can resolve to make real changes to our life. However, sometimes it is easier to create resolutions, rather than actually make the lasting change. As we create new year resolutions, we also need to work out how we can make it part of our life long change.

What Good Habits Do you Need?

The key to New Year resolutions is to choose ones that you really need. Take an honest look at your life and decide where it could easily be improved. Often it is small issues and minor irritations that can spoil our day. For example, do you easily get angry for the smallest provocation? If that is the case make a resolution to control your anger. Often we don’t think of simple things like this, but, if we can resolve to improve in areas like this it will make a big difference to our quality of life.

What do You Wish to Achieve in 2008?

If you know what you wish to achieve, then work out the kind of resolutions that you will need. Be bold and willing to follow your heart’s aspirations, don’t just think of small changes – think how you can make a real difference to your life. Be prepared to make resolutions to aim for a completely new goal and change of life.

Give Them Importance

The success of new habits will depend upon how much importance that we give to them. What we value is given our energy and attention; if we constantly remind ourselves of our new targets and goals we will become more motivated to fulfil them. But, if we are not careful, habits can slip from our attention and therefore, we fail to make the change permanent. In this regard, it may be better to have a small number of resolutions that you are really going to work on, rather than a long list of speculative resolutions.

Continue reading “Creating New Year Resolutions that Work”

On Holiday and Best of December

Beech sunrise

I am currently on holiday, in the Dominican republic. I thought lots of free time would make it easier to write, but, actually I find it is difficult to write and get access to internet at moment.
These are some recent posts from the last month.

Photo By Sharani

Practical Tips to Improve Concentration

leaf water jowan

This post is inspired by an email from a reader. The reader mentioned that he found it very difficult to concentrate. He felt his mind was ‘random and is in utter chaos’.

Firstly, you are not alone; generally it is the nature of the mind to be unruly. However, it is possible to slowly and steadily improve your concentration. Do not expect instant results, and do not get despondent if it is more difficult than you would like. Perseverance is important. These are some tips:

Some Places are more conducive to concentration.

Some students have great difficulty working in certain environment’s yet, when they are placed under timed conditions in an exam hall they often find concentration much easier. If you are getting distracted in one place, trying working somewhere else. Generally, the less distractions the better.

One Pointedness

With any form of concentration it is important to concentrate on only one thing at a time. If you are working, but half your attention is elsewhere, you will always struggle to maintain good concentration. Set aside time for work and focus only on that and nothing else. You need to make a conscious decision to concentrate on your work. If you just drift into work, with a relaxed care free attitude you will probably start thinking about other things. If you sit an exam, feel that nothing else exists or matters apart from doing the exam.

Don’t Allow Thoughts to take you away.

This is the key to concentration – don’t allow your mind to distract you with random thoughts. When unrelated thoughts appear in the mind, pay no attention to them and try to immediately switch off. Even if thoughts keep coming, you must distance yourself and detach from them. It is important not to get mad with yourself or frustrated if thoughts are persistent. If you persevere in rejecting useless and unhelpful thoughts, there will come a time when they stop bothering you. It is important never to give up in your attempt to control your thoughts – it is possible.

See: How To Control Your Thoughts

Continue reading “Practical Tips to Improve Concentration”