How to overcome insecurity

We often cherish insecurity without being fully aware of it. Insecurity about what people think of us is quite common and it can lead to unnecessary problems. When we are insecure, it tends to make us more suspicious, it makes us try harder to impress. Because we are insecure about ourselves, we lose the self-confidence to be true to our real nature.

beach-jowan

A oneness-heart
Cures
Insecurity-fear.

– Sri Chinmoy [1]

These are some steps to overcoming insecurity.

Recognise the problem and make an effort to overcome

The first thing is that people may not realise a lot of their anxieties, worries and fears stem from a sense of insecurity about ourselves. We worry because we are insecure about our standing in society and amongst friends. When we are aware of a misplaced insecurity, it becomes much easier to try and overcome it. This requires an awareness and honesty about our motivations and actions.

Don’t be overly critical of other people.

If you spend time criticising and judging other people, you will subconsciously fear the same treatment yourself. Invariably highly critical people have a deep seated insecurity themselves. The motivation to criticise comes from a need to make themselves feel superior to other people. However, the attempt to make yourself feel better by putting other people down will never work. At best, we get a temporary false sense of security, but it never lasts. If we want to create a genuine sense of self-belief and self-confidence, never base it on being superior to others. In fact it is the opposite, if we can have a sympathetic and empathetic attitude, we will feel better ourselves. Continue reading “How to overcome insecurity”

Don’t forget to smile

Sometimes, we get caught out by the simplicity of life. Our mind, which tend to prefer complexity, forgets that the simplest of things can make a big difference to our state of mind and happiness. Why is it so important to smile?

smiling people

Choosing happiness

Life throws many things at us – both good and bad. But, if we can respond by offering an outer smile, we are trying to respond in a positive way. Our smile is our conscious decision to try and remain happy, whatever the circumstance. From this initial positive choice, we can build upon this beginning to cultivate happiness. If we refuse to smile, we are more likely to cultivate emotions of self-pity, wounded pride and unhappiness. If we have difficulty cultivating happiness, then trying to smile at the world and our mind, is a positive step we can take.

Offering something positive

If we can sincerely smile at others, we can give something without even speaking.  When we smile, we are offering our good will to the world and other people. We don’t need to be a millionaire to give something to the world, in many circumstances, a soulful smile can be more beneficial than any amount of words or material aid. To make the effort to smile at a stranger or friend, is to sympathise with their plight and offer some encouragement.

We disarm our enemies

Our face can reflect the emotion and thoughts that we wish to share. If we wish to make enemies, we can scowl and look miserable. But, if we smile at anyone, it can create an atmosphere of goodwill and harmony. By smiling, we create a climate where others can feel more at ease. When people feel happier, they will be more inclined to be tolerant and open-minded. If we smile and put others in a good frame of mine, we will be more likely to get what we want.

Don’t forget to smile at your enemies – You can take the motivation from the wit of Oscar Wilde:

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”

Or we can take the more spiritual approach of Abraham Lincoln:

“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

Continue reading “Don’t forget to smile”

The best time is now

When giving meditation classes, a common issue is people find it difficult to find the time to set aside 15 minutes of the day for meditation and a period of quiet reflection. We all know it would be good to meditate, but to actually make sure we do it can be quite a challenge. Similarly, we can have the best of intentions to change some of our bad habits and wrong attitudes, but we think maybe it will be easier or better at a later stage. For any progressive change in our nature or worthwhile practise, the best time to start is always now!

Pink-pic

We might think there will be a better time in the future, but in the spiritual life, the best time is always this present moment. If we wait for outer circumstances to be more favourable, we will always be delaying and procrastinating. And before we know it, we will have given up completely.

These are some tips to value the present moment and take each opportunity.

Valuing meditation

The first thing is we need to always remember the value of meditation and spiritual practise. If we see meditation as some hard discipline we need to endure, our mind will always find an excuse to avoid doing it. However, if we can focus on the benefits and joy that we will get from the practise, we will always be motivated to keep trying. Here we need to use our wisdom, we need to convince our mind that we get more joy from meditation than we would wasting our time on some inconsequential other activity. Don’t feel when we meditate we are making a great sacrifice. Our reward will not be in heaven, it will be from cultivating a genuine sense of happiness here and now.

Change attitude to difficulties

If we wish to start a practise of meditation, there will be innumerable obstacles. For example, we may find it is much noiser than we like. One option is to say, ‘it’s too noisy’ let’s wait until its quieter. The other option is to say, “I’ll take this outer noise as a part of the meditation practise. I shall try incorporate the noise into the meditation – learning to allow the sound to wash away.” If we can meditate with noise, it will make our meditation practise much stronger. It’s like a runner training on hilly terrain. When he finally reaches the flat terrain, the challenging hills made him stronger.

Learn to say no!

Sometimes, other people can take advantage of our good nature and encourage us to take on more jobs and responsibility. But, we have to learn to say no, and put our spiritual practise first. If we can lose our feeling of indispensability, we find the world doesn’t end, just because we spend 20 minutes early in the morning learning to meditate.

Live as if it was your last day on earth

If it was your last day on earth, how would you spend it? Would you really worry about paying some telephone bill? Would you waste it in meaningless gossip and chat? If it was our last day, we would concentrate on the important things in  life. We would suddenly be very clear what is important to us. Material possessions lose all meaning – they are merely passing things; but our inner practise, our inner faith and inner peace become all important.

If we don’t take this opportunity, we won’t have it again

A spiritual life means:
It is now
Or never.

Sri Chinmoy (1)

Every moment is an opportunity – either we take it or lose it. In one sense, we have eternity to achieve realisation. But, if this is our laid back attitude, we will progress with the speed of an Indian bullock cart. If we get an opportunity to meditate or change our attitude – then we should take it now, whilst we have the aspiration. If we miss out, perhaps in a few days, we will lose any enthusiasm or willingness to change.

Continue reading “The best time is now”

The punishment is compassion

This is an inspiring story about the power of forgiveness and compassion. It shows that sometimes we can get extraordinary results by going against our instinctive human nature. The story also shows that forgiveness is a sign of real strength and can have tremendous power.

 

Sunrise

The story is from Illumination-Experiences On Indian Soil, Part 2, by Sri Chinmoy

“In India there was once a Muslim mendicant who had a certain amount of occult power. His name was Bajit Bastami. In Chittagong there is a special place where many Muslims worship him. Even the Hindus have tremendous love for him.

Continue reading “The punishment is compassion”

Humility means giving joy to others

Humility is a wonderful quality. People are definitely attracted to humility and often repelled by the opposite. If we can learn to value humility, we will gain real joy and improve our relationships with others tremendously. But, what is humility? What does it mean to be humble?

Jai-Ganga-Ma

Giving joy to others. This is a striking definition of humility. We simply choose and attitude that helps to give joy to other people. It means avoiding meanness and jealousy, but seeking to help others to be happy.

“…True humility is something totally different; it is the feeling of oneness. Humility means giving joy to others. If you have not established or cannot establish your inner oneness with others, then you can try to make them feel that they are as important as you, if not more so. “

– Sri Chinmoy “Does humility mean taking a back seat” – A God-lover heaven-life part 1

Bringing others forward. Real humility will make others feel good. It requires us to always value the achievements and contributions of others. Even if they have unfortunate experiences or less talent, we will still try to bring them forward and make them feel valued. This is very important because when we try to sincerely value others, we reduce our own feelings of self-importance and ego.

Modesty. Taking a back seat is not necessary humility. Sometimes, we make a big fuss of taking the back seat – almost unconsciously, we are wanting to show others that we are being humble; we try to make a display of our humility. But, sometimes, it might be necessary to stand in the limelight. The important thing is not to see it as a show of superiority. We can feel part of an integral team,  but with someone having to be the figurehead. Humility means we are willing to play many different roles, each role with the same detachment and modesty.

Real tests of humility

  • Be equal in your affection. It is easy to bring people we like to the fore, but humility means we need to be equally fair in our treatment. We need to be willing to bring anyone to the fore, even those who we may not instinctively like. Remember the test of humility – can you give joy to others – that includes those whom you really might not want to. Continue reading “Humility means giving joy to others”

Dealing with criticism

It’s easy to be critical of the world, but it’s much more difficult to deal with criticism directed at ourselves. Criticism is something we often like to give, but not really receive. However, no matter how saintly we might or might not be, we will get plenty of practise for dealing with criticism at some stage of our lives. When we are faced with criticism it can be an unpleasant experience, but equally if we take it with the right spirit, we can use it all for our advantage.

These are some tips for dealing with criticism.

how-to-overcome-criticism

1. Take a deep breath and don’t react. The problem with criticism is that we can feel an instinctive need to defend ourselves and argue. Often this is not necessary. Remember to separate your ego from the real self. If you are hurt by criticism, just remind yourself that it is only your ego that is hurt. Who you are really are – the soul – is not affected in anyway. With time, you will be able to respond in a more measured, positive way.

2. Separate emotion and substance What can you learn from the criticism? Sometimes, useful suggestions are given in the form of criticism. If we strip away the other persons’ emotion and unfortunate choice of words, there may be some suggestions and advice that we can usefully take on board. It is a good lesson to let go of our pride and see wisdom, even in a disguised form.

3. Life isn’t about immediate perfection. Sometimes we set up a false goal of perfection, but life isn’t like this. It is impossible to get things 100% right all the time. The real perfection is making continued progress throughout life. To make progress, mistakes and faults are an inevitability. We should see criticism in this light of the necessary process of transformation and progress. Here we are simply changing our perspective to criticism. Rather than seeing criticism as a bad thing, we see it is part of our journey.

4. Tough love. There are many stories of spiritual Masters who seek to perfect their disciples through tough love. If they only praised their disciples, their ego would just grow and they would fail to make spiritual progress. However, through criticising their weaknesses, it gives a chance for the aspirant to break down their ego and bring their higher self to the fore. A realised soul will be completely unaffected by criticism because he is secure in knowing who he is. He doesn’t feel the need to defend himself because he has attained a state of consciousness that is unaffected by the world. This is what we can also strive to aim for – the equanimity and inner poise to deal with any criticism of the ego.

5. Don’t feel guilty. A deep and often misplaced sense of guilt is the worst way to take criticism. When we feel guilty, we feel unhappy and it is like placing a large stone around our neck. If we avoid feelings of guilt, it is much easier to take a positive and constructive approach. If we can remain happy and detached, then we will have the inspiration to make a better effort. But, if we react to criticism with guilt and misery, it will compound any problem. (overcoming guilt)

6. Keep a sense of balance. It is human nature to focus on the faults of other people and what is wrong. Unfortunately, people often criticise the 1% of things that are done wrong, but fail to mention the 99% of things that you do well. If you find yourself criticised, don’t forget to remember the positive things that you have done. Perhaps you might even be able to mention that when responding politely to their criticism. But, equally, don’t instantly dismiss criticism. It is unhelpful to feel useless or invincible and always right. In reality, it is always somewhere in between.

7. Criticism can be beneficial. Every time people criticise you outwardly, you can guarantee that silently they have been criticising you inwardly a lot more. Sometimes it is better to be open to criticism (or lets call it constructive advice)  If people feel there is a forum for airing grievances, this will help improve relationships. If you can’t take criticism in any form, people may stop outwardly criticising you, but they will build up inner resentment, which is even worse.

Related

Photo top: Menaka, Sri Chinmoy Centre galleries

Poem: To-Morrow’s Dawn, Sri Chinmoy

Who do you want to be?

When I was young, I was often asked – what do you want to be when you grow up? The answer people were looking for was something along the lines of – stockbroker or management consultant.  This is what we can grow up thinking life is all about – what can we become? how will we be perceived by society? Because of these subtle pressures, we can unconsciously start to define ourselves by the job we hold or our status in society.

what-i-want-to-be

But, imagine we could start with a clean sheet of paper and we had the opportunity to create the person we really want to be. What do we consider important? What qualities would we like to have? What aspects of ourselves would we want to transform?

This exercise is not about creating outer circumstances and outer status, it is about thinking about the person we want to be.

In the spiritual life, transformation is not easy. But, if we don’t have a clear idea of where we want to go, it is nearly impossible. If we can challenge ourselves to keep asking – what do we want to be? then we can at least have a clear idea of where we want to go.

Here is a simple exercise we can all do. Imagine that our thoughts had 100% power to manifest themselves. Suppose that whatever we wanted, we would get. If we wanted to be perfectly forgiving whatever other people did, we could become that. If we wanted to be happy whatever our outer circumstances, we could have that. For the moment, leave aside whether it’s feasible. Just feel anything is possible and imagine yourself as you really want to be. There are no limits, if you want to have a deep and abiding sense of peace all the time, why not choose that?

Factors that can help us in knowing what we want to be.

  • Appreciate good qualities in others. It is good to be inspired by the positive qualities of other people. This is not imitation. This is seeing good qualities and feeling that they can become part of ourself. If someone else can be resolutely cheerful, we can make this part of ourself. Continue reading “Who do you want to be?”

The importance of happiness

be-happy-you-will-get-what-you-like

“Be happy
You will get what you like most. You will be what you like best.”

– Sri Chinmoy [1]

This is an extract from a poem by Sri Chinmoy on happiness. This particular line struck me as being quite revealing and informative.

Usually, with human nature, when we don’t get what we want, we feel unhappy. Then when we are unhappy, often – consciously or unconsciously – we make others unhappy. But, when we create this unhappiness vibration, it becomes hard to get what we want and it becomes impossible to be the person we want to be.

We need to break the cycle. We need to let go of our unhappiness and instead choose a very different approach. It is this approach of choosing happiness, which will help us to be the person we want to be. When we can create this good feeling, people are attracted to help and co-operate. It is this positive energy and infectious happiness, which will enable us to get want we want out of life.

‘Be happy, you will get what you like most‘ – An interesting thing is that Sri Chinmoy says that if we are happy, we will get what we like most. On the first reading, I thought, it read ‘Be happy, you will get what you want‘. But, of course, there is a considerable difference between getting what we think we want, and getting what gives us joy.

For example, we may have a great desire for people to act and behave in a certain way. When they disappoint us, we feel miserable because they are making our lives difficult. We don’t get what we want, and we are unhappy because we feel others are making our life unpleasant. However, a different approach is to be detached about expecting how other people behave. Rather than vainly hoping others will be the person we want them to be, we should concentrate on being happy with the situation we are in. With this changed happiness, we get the opportunity to be happy. Rather than being miserable because outer circumstances are not to our expectation, we are happy.

It is this cheerful happiness which means we get what we like most. The goal is not the outer circumstances, the goal is our happiness. If we can cultivate happiness, we will get what we like.  What is the point in chasing false unrealistic goals if we don’t get happiness along the way?
Continue reading “The importance of happiness”

Benefits of writing

I see writing as a personal sadhana (spiritual discipline). It is creative, challenging, rewarding and requires considerable discipline. Through writing, you can help to clarify good ideas and also you can give yourself an added motivation and enthusiasm. Writing for an audience, even if very small, requires a degree of effort and willingness to be ready for both criticism and praise. The benefit of writing for an audience is that we need to consider what is good for other people; it forces us to lose an insular attitude, and this is beneficial for making us more aware of other people, it can help to make us a little less self-focused.

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There are sometimes when writing comes easy, but there are many more times, when you need to work considerably hard to get started and have a go. But, it always feels a worthwhile endeavour.

Benefits of writing

It brings another aspect to a subject that you have a great passion for. I only write about subjects that interest me, cycling, spirituality, economics. They are all very different, but writing about it is a unique way to understand the subject in a different light.

Writing about spirituality is particularly beneficial. I’ve often said, it’s easier to write about how we should behave, than to actually live it. But, when writing about topics of self-improvement, it gives a very strong sense of reinforcement and motivation to try and live by the principles you write about. When teaching economics, I always tell my students 90% of learning is in teaching. This may sound confusing, but you don’t learn by just passively listening. You really learn when you try to explain what you’ve read about. This is why writing is so powerful. When we write we really need to improve our grasp of our particular philosophy. By the end, our conscious awareness and understanding is much stronger. By writing, we make the subject very real. This is why writing can help in a spiritual path, writing creates a much stronger clarity and understanding of the essential philosophy.

Writing gives us an opportunity for self-development. Sometimes when I see my own writing, I shrink away from it, almost embarrassed. When we write we put a part of ourselves out into the world. Writing becomes an opportunity to overcome any pride and insecurity. Writing is a challenge to write and offer something in a detached way.

A little benefit to other people. When I write, I do it out of a personal motivation. I never expect to change or influence anyone else. But, if it can give a little joy inspiration to other people, then it is an added bonus.

It is a creative use of time. In the internet age, there are so many distractions and ways to pass away time that it is easy to become a couch potato, or internet surfer. Writing invokes the creative part of the brain, and gives a sense of achievement that is very rewarding.

Continue reading “Benefits of writing”

Effective Ways To Get Out of a Negative Mindset

negativitiy-poem

It is too easy to get into a negative mindset which invariably leads to unhappiness and depression. To avoid being overwhelmed by negativity we need to make a conscious effort to avoid the experience. When life seems like a perpetual dark tunnel these are some suggestions to change your outlook on life.

Don’t Cherish Destructive Thoughts.

Often we don’t realise how much we subconsciously cherish negative thoughts. It may seem counter intuitive, but often a negative frame of mind occurs because we won’t let go of the negative thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the mind clings on to these thoughts with a feeling of self pity or injured pride. We don’t like the negative frame of mind, but at the same time are we consciously trying to overcome it? The problem is that if the negative thoughts go round and round in our mind they can become powerful and we lose a sense of perspective. Just make a conscious decision to ignore the negative flow of thoughts and sentiments and be persistent in these attempts.

Do You want to be Happy or Miserable?

Do you want to be always happy?
Then give up fighting
For negativity
And learn the beautiful art
Of self-encouragement.

Sri Chinmoy [1]

We should feel a negative mindset is a choice. If we feel a victim to our own emotions and thoughts, nobody else will be able to help us. We should feel that by holding on to a negative frame of mind, we are inevitably choosing to be unhappy; each negative is a conscious decision to be miserable. If we really value the importance of our own inner peace and happiness, we will aspire to cultivate this through good, uplifting thoughts. Next time you feel the onset of a depressed state of mind, just ask yourself the question: Do I want to be happy or Miserable?

Spend Time With Positive People

The best antidote to negativity is simply to spend time doing positive, uplifting activities. Sometimes if we analyse and examine our own negativity it does nothing to reduce it. By engaging in useful fun activities, we forget about the reasons for our negativity; this is often the most powerful way to overcome a depressed state of mind.

Continue reading “Effective Ways To Get Out of a Negative Mindset”