Happiness will follow you

How To Become A Better Person (in under 300 words)

Think of other people.  Consider how you can make others happy and encourage them to do the right thing. Spend time to appreciate their good qualities  and boost their self-esteem.

Don’t act for selfish motives. Don’t seek to gain at the expense of others.  Don’t speak ill of friends for the motive of impressing other people.

Don’t waste time in seeking praise. Learn to let go of your ego. Humility does not mean putting yourself down. It means being content with what you are, without external praise / blame.

Never be jealous of others’ success or happiness. Learn to be happy through the well being of others. If others do good things, feel it is partly your achievement.

Don’t be attached to a negative frame of mind. As frequently as necessary, let go of negative thoughts. Don’t brood and be despondent. Be wary often the ego is involved in moods of despair and unhappiness. Cultivate cheerfulness.

Smile. If nothing else try to smile when meeting others.

Be enthusiastic in what you do.  Whatever you find yourself doing, try to be enthusiastic and positive. Even the smallest act done with love and enthusiasm can make a difference.

Don’t force your opinions on other people. Also, listen patiently to others, but at the same time don’t be swayed by what other people think you should do. Test their advice against your inner wisdom.

Inner Peace Take time to find the inner peace and inner joy that is part of your real nature, but often hidden under the layers of our mental imaginings.

Listen to the promptings of the heart. Be sceptical of the cold judgements of the mind.

Better to make mistakes than to sit idle.

Don’t complain, make a difference.

Related

• Eliminating Your Weaknesses the Positive Way
• 7 Secrets of Self-Improvement

Photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Gallery

Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth.

The Dhammapada

Everyone at some time wants to change the world. It is a noble ideal to leave the world in a better place than we found it, but how can we actually change the world?

When asked about how to change the world, great sages often reply by saying – first you must change yourself.

“Everyone thinks of
Changing the world, but no one thinks of
Changing himself.”

-Leo Tolstoy

Knowing one’s true self is to be in our highest consciousness. It is to be free of egoism, pride and selfishness. To know our highest self is to experience the oneness of creation. If we really see others as part of our extended self – how can we not be more loving to others and the world?

How To Change the World

“Try not to change the world. You will fail. Try to love the world. Lo, the world is changed. Changed forever.”

– Sri Chinmoy

There are different ways to change the world. Some feel the necessity for political action, some feel the need for humanitarian aid. Some feel the need to convince others through word and speech. Some feel the necessity for a spiritual approach. All ways can have their value. This is a look at how to change the world from a spiritual perspective.

The Smallest Acts of Love

“Without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count as nothing.”

– St Therese of Lisieux

We are apt to think in terms of what we have actually achieved. We are results oriented and are impatient to see the fruits of our action. Then when we fail to see any change, we become impatient and frustrated. The spiritual approach is to aspire to do the right thing with the best motive and then be detached from the results.

From a spiritual perspective it is not what we achieve, but, the spirit with which we do it. If we wish to change the world for the better, act selflessly without a mixed motive of worldly gain. Our honest endeavour will make much more difference.

Be The Example Rather than The Missionary.

Perfect health, sincerity, honesty, straightforwardness, courage, disinterestedness, unselfishness, patience, endurance, perseverance, peace, calm, self control are all things that are taught infinitely better by example than by beautiful speeches

– Sri Aurobindo

Some people want to change the world from the comfort of their armchair or barstool. All they think is necessary is to tell the world where it is going wrong and what they need to do to put it right. If the world could be put right through a quick gossip and criticism of the world, the world would be perfect along time ago. Talking about what others need to do is fine, but doesn’t actually achieve anything. What we can do, is to be what we are aspiring for. We don’t have to convince others to change the world, they will take real inspiration from our transformed lives. When we are in a good consciousness, we automatically uplift others. If we are miserable and in a bad consciousness how can we hope to make the world a better place?

We can change the world,
But not improve it,
If we do not have peace.

– Sri Chinmoy

For every speech about the failings of the world, if only we good do one positive deed.

Appreciate Others

It is our ego which makes us think that it is we who can change the world. Actually we can do nothing on our own. It is only when there is a sense of shared responsibility, a feeling of brotherhood – that humanity will make real progress. To appreciate the best in others, is the best way to encourage, and inspire them to continue doing the right thing.

Often we have the temptation to change the world through the path of criticism and condemnation. But, there is another way. The way of encouragement; it is a way that people are much more receptive to.

Looking For Friends Not Enemies.

The deepest instinct of humanity is to befriend fellow man. How much joy we can get from offering our hospitality and good will to a stranger who passes by.  When we think of other people, other nations, we always have a choice. Do we look upon them with our suspicious and fearful mind? Do we look on them as potential enemies? or do we look for their good qualities and see them as potential friends?

Sometimes the simplest approaches are the most effective ways of changing the world.

Also, it depends what we mean by changing the world. Some feel changing the world, can only involve some different political system, greater material well being. This is true to some extent. But, changing the outer forms is only part of the equation. We also need to change the consciousness of society.  If we don’t change ourselves, if we don’t bring more peace into our own lives – how can we expect our institutions and politicians to become better.

Related

Quotes To Change The World
Things That Would Change The World

Photo: Pavitrata

It’s hard to feel self-pity with a view like this

We have all had the experience of being told ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’. It is also something we occasionally say (or at least want to say) to those around us.

Feeling sorry for yourself is a poor state to be in, but, yet human nature means we can often end up wallowing in self-pity.

Why We Feel Sorry For Ourself.

If we can understand why we feel sorry for ourselves then we can work out whether it is justified or helpful.

Injured Pride.

The oft repeated saying ‘pride comes before a fall’ is quite apt. When are pride is hurt, when we feel embarrassed, when we are jealous we can sink into self pity. If we placed less value on our pride and self image, we would be less effected.
Hope for Sympathy / Feeling of guilt.

A large part of feeling sorry for ourselves, is that consciously or unconsciously we are looking for sympathy. Perhaps something unfortunate has happened. By exacerbating our sorrow and misery we feel we will attract more sympathy, love and concern from others. Often we are not really consciously aware that this is our motivation.

Related to the desire for sympathy, is the desire to make others feel guilty. Perhaps someone has caused us problems. We can feel that by displaying our unhappiness, we will make the other party feel suitably guilty, and somehow this will make them do the right thing next time.

If we can honestly analyse our motivation, it can be something of a revelation. Often we fall into a rut of self-pity without really understanding our own inner motivations. But, if these are our motivations for self-pity then we feel it is worth overcoming them.

Self-pity does not
Console one’s mind.
Self-pity cannot
Strengthen one’s heart.
Self-pity only makes one
A real stranger to oneself.

by Sri Chinmoy (1)

How To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself.

Forget all about it.

When you’re in a rut. You can’t  beat just completely forgetting about it or throwing yourself into something else. If we just sit and brood we will never fight the negative cycles of our mind – because it is the nature of the mind to hang onto negativity. But, when we don’t give the mind time to brood, we can easily shrug off the worthless feelings of self-pity.

It’s Not Going to Help

Self pity is often a call for help – a hope for greater love and attention. And we may get it – at least temporarily. But, we have to bear in mind that when we are wallowing in self-pity, many will not want to spend time with us. There is a difference between genuine difficulties and self-made imaginery suffering. False friends will disappear at the first sign of trouble. But, even true friends will get burnt out if we exploit their compassion with persistent self-pity

Feeling Sorry for yourself will not make others change for the better. Our mind may feel that if we make others feel guilty, they will do the right thing. But, human nature rarely works like this. If we try to make others feel guilty we won’t make them do the right thing. In fact, they will just resent us more. To create positive change in others, we ourselves have to be positive ourselves. We need to approach people with positive suggestions for improvements, not with a delicate sense of passive aggressiveness.

Be Happy Not Proud

Feeling sorry for ourselves only makes us unhappy. We have to make a conscious effort to choose happiness. If we forget about the past and live in the present moment, how can we carry around our unfortunate experiences?

Related

• 10 Tips  to get out of a Rut
• Effective ways To Get out of a Negative Mindset

References

(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 203 (poems on self-pity)

Photo Menaka Ait-Ouyahia, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?

~William Shakespeare, Othello, 1604

Our previous post was the – long slow transformation of human nature, so I guess a topic on patience is the ideal follow up.

Patience is not exactly the most exciting quality to aspire for. In modern society, patience doesn’t fit well with the hectic pace of life where we become accustomed to quick fixes and on demand entertainment. A society that lives on 2 minute pot noodles and instant text messaging is going to struggle with any ideas of patience. But, for real progress and peace of mind, patience is an indispensable quality. Through patience we can also develop peace of mind and tolerance of others.

Patience With Ourselves

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.  One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.

~ Chinese Proverb

There is a fine balance between self-indulgence and self-criticism. We need to have patience with ourselves, whilst seeking to become a better person. Some things we cannot expect overnight; we have to do our part which is striving for higher ideals, but, the time when we gain self-mastery is another matter. If we start beating ourselves up for failing to reach imaginary targets, then we only make it even more difficult. If we can maintain a cheerful attitude, without expectation of a certain result then we will make more progress.

The Journey and the Goal.

There is a danger society and our life becomes very results oriented. Success or failure is measured through certain definable goals. With this attitude, achieving the goal becomes all important, everything else is seen as a failure. Patience teaches us that the achievement of the goal is only a partial aspect of life. Patience teaches us to enjoy the journey as much as the results. Thus, we can gain satisfaction from the preparation as much as the goal.

Patience With Others

Patience with others can be either very easy or very difficult. It is very difficult to be patient with others if we expect them to behave in a certain way and meet our self-imposed standards. If we accept we are not responsible for others inner progress then patience becomes much easier. (see: getting on with difficult people)

Patience Can Forget The Past

“There is nothing on earth that can undo the past but patience. If we have patience we can easily undo the past. The past is a morning mist, a meaningless experience in comparison to our future realisation.”

– Sri Chinmoy [1]

We always do things we regret, but, through patience we can easily let the past slip away. Time is a great healer and we just need to be patient.

Cheerful Patience and Reluctant Patience

There is a big difference between a forced patience where we reluctantly wait for something, and a cheerful patience. Sometimes we tolerate a situation because we feel there is no alternative. Or we might think we are being patient, but, inwardly we feel aggrieved to be waiting for so long. A cheerful patience is very different. Here we are not getting annoyed with ourselves or other people. It is this cheerful patience that is the most rewarding

How To Be More Patient

“Adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience. ”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

• If we struggle to be patient with others. Try putting yourself in their shoes. Feel that if you were in their situation, you would have the same challenges and difficulties. Even if you could do something better than others, try to develop sympathy and oneness with their situation.
• Don’t get Joy just from Achieving Targets. The preparation is as important as the end result.
• Don’t put Excess pressure on Yourself. Patience which is calm and measured helps us to achieve anything quicker. If we don’t have patience and get frustrated we only become ineffective.
• Patience Works!

“If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent.”

Isaac Newton (1642 – 1727)

Picture Top: Antara Plabhat, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries.

The inevitability of change

Human nature can be like the proverbial tail of a dog. It’s easy to straighten, but, as soon as it appears to be straightened it can rapidly unfurl to it’s original position.

It’s the same with spiritual progress, at times, we can feel we are making tremendous progress, then quite unexpectedly, and for no apparent reason, we have a resurgence of pride, insecurity or whatever it might be, and much to our disappointment we feel we have returned to some starting point.

A curious thing – when things become difficult, we inevitably blame other people. Problems always seem to stem from other people. If only the rest of the world could be saints – how much easier the spiritual life would be!

But, as Sri Chinmoy says:

“I am at once a fool and a rogue when I blame others for my own misdeeds.” [1]

Yet, when we are in a good consciousness, when we are sincerely happy, we can have only good feelings towards others. If other people have difficult qualities, we remain unaffected. This is one of the great differences between struggling and doing well. The old saying a saint looks upon everyone as a saint and a thief sees only others as a thief, is very apt in the spiritual life.

Those who sincerely practise a spiritual life, a life of self-improvement, know the inherent challenges of transforming their own self – not for nothing do the Upanishads state – “The Soul cannot be won by the weakling”. Yet, the periods of struggle do not negate a disciplined life; it should only act as a spur for greater determination. When you have tasted real joy and peace of mind – to lose it seems even more unfortunate. Whatever experience we have had in the past, we can definitely regain. The challenge is in remembering the good times and possibilities and not being weighed down by temporary setbacks.

Sometimes, it feels that the same old difficulties, the same old issues, keep cropping up in different forms. We escape from one difficult person only to find the same foibles in someone else.

But, rather than seeing life as a constant barrage of difficulties, it is perhaps more helpful to see life as a constant opportunity to make different choices. No one is compelling us to choose to see the worst in other people. No one is forcing us to be miserable in the vain hope our egoistic suffering will bring us progress. We can always choose to be happy, we can choose to ignore the wild demands of the un-illumined ego. When we choose the way of the heart – the way of acceptance and listen to our soul, life does not seem such a struggle; our problems can easily dissipate just through changing the way we look on the world.

“We are our own fate-makers. To blame others for the unfavourable conditions of our lives is beneath our dignity.”

– Sri Chinmoy [2]

It is definitely easy to read about the spiritual life, it is easy to know what we should be doing, it is even fairly easy to write about it – but, to actually live the precepts and make the changes permanent in our own nature – that needs formidable patience, and tolerance of our own limitations.

But, just because the transformation of human nature is an a long and arduous journey doesn’t mean it is not worth the effort. To live only with the vital’s desires and ego’s fantasies will never bring us anything more than a fleeting glimpse of an imperfect happiness – not least for those who have seen a glimpse of the soul life.

If only we could transform human nature through writing about it! If verbal verbosity was any guide, I could be singing with the angels by now. But, sometimes, it is good to, at least, know what we should be doing – even if we repeatedly fall short.

Even the loftiest journey has to start with the smallest steps and knowing the right direction is not without importance….

Related

• Effective ways to get out of a negative mindset
• Dealing with difficult people

picture: Tejvan, Oxfordshire, 2009

References

[1] (271 – 700 Wisdom Flowers by Sri Chinmoy)

[2] (253 – 700 Wisdom Flowers by Sri Chinmoy)

Enthusiasm and motivation are key principles for getting anything done. If we are motivated and committed we find ways to get round obstacles. If we lack motivation then we easily find difficulties and excuses to give up. To increase our motivation we really need to be clear what we want to do.

These are some tips to Increase Your Motivation

Be Clear What You Wish to Achieve

It is important to know what is important to you. Think carefully about what really matters. If you consciously give something a high priority, then this is half the battle for gaining motivation. We often struggle to gain motivation for an activity / issue because we are not clear in our mind about what we wish to achieve.

• For example, we may go through life with a vague idea it would be good to get up earlier in the morning, but, only if we really see benefits will we have motivation

Just Act!

We can only be fully committed to a certain number of things; we need to prioritise what is important. However, whilst it is important to be aware of life’s priorities, we don’t want to spend too long just thinking. If we sit around planning and thinking, the mind will find innumerable problems and complications which reduce our motivation. The best thing is to get started and through yourself wholeheartedly into a project. Once you get started and focus on a project it develops a certain energy which is self reinforcing.

I teach Economics and many of my students say how worried about the exams they are and how they haven’t time. But, their real problem is just to get started with work and revision. The worst is just sitting around saying how little time they have.

Don’t Rely on External Praise

Often we lack motivation because we feel our efforts are not fully recognised. To be willing to work without praise is a real boon. The secret is to feel the satisfaction from doing the right thing and giving ourselves the opportunity for our self-improvement. We shouldn’t just be motivated for the end result, but, for the challenge of getting there. Be kind to yourself and notice the satisfaction you gain from doing the right thing in the right attitude, this will always be worth more than the fleeting praise of others.

Satisfaction.

Lasting motivation will come when we get joy from doing something. The problem is we often feel worthwhile changes of projects require self-discipline, sacrifice and difficulties. It is this which discourages and de-motivates. We need to change our attitude, rather than thinking of the sacrifice or discipline we need to undergo, focus on the lasting sense of achievement we get.

Remove Distractions

To increase our motivation to do something useful, we often need to avoid the distractions that pull us away into insignificant things. After sitting in front of the TV for one hour flicking through channels or surfing useless internet sites, it is remarkable how much motivation can disappear!

Be of Service

If we just think of ourself then it is hard to do difficult things. However, if we really try to emphasise with others then it is much easier to be motivated to make difficult changes. See: Helping an alcoholic.

Understand Costs and Benefits

We have a tendency to stumble from one crisis to the next. If we get stomach pains we reach for the stomach pills rather than looking at our diet. Often we need motivation for activities where benefits are long term and costs are short term. But, looking after our health, for example, will give much benefit in the long term. We just need to remind ourselves of the costs and benefits.

Look After Your Energy and Health

A fit body is very helpful for any change we wish to make. See: How to Cope with low energy levels

Related Posts

• The infectious power of enthusiasm
• Regaining lost inspiration

Photo from World Harmony Run site