Keeping your Anger under Control
Anger is like a snake in the deep grass. - Remaining hidden for most of the time, it can suddenly rise up to strike us unexpectedly. Anger, may be justified, but it rarely helps us deal with a situation. Anger also leaves us feeling depressed, unbalanced, and nursing a sense of injustice. Some people feel anger is good, because it motivates them to do something. However, anger is neither necessary nor desirable. When we look at a situation through the mists of anger, our judgment becomes clouded; we react hastily, in a way that often aggravates the situation. If we are a victim of injustice, this does not mean we should remain passive. We can act - but, in a way that will improve the situation for ourselves, not in a way that makes it worse.
1. Don't respond immediately.
If we feel anger come upon us. Wait a moment before responding. Take a few calm deep breathes; we will find that after the initial surge, the anger subsides. After, even a moment of reflection, we realise the situation is not as grave as our mind's first reaction. It is advisable to remember the advice of Thomas Jefferson:
If we do respond straight away we will be liable to say something we regret later. Words spoken in anger leave a lasting remark and it can be hard to undue their effects.
2. Remember some good qualities of the person.
It is often the case that 90% of the time we get angry with friends and families. If we live with someone, it is inevitable we will find some of their daily habits irritating. At some point we may snap and get angry with them. If this occurs try remembering 10 of their good qualities. If we can force ourselves to think of even 1, it will reduce our anger significantly. If we are honest, their good qualities are far more powerful then their bad quality of putting the cornflakes in the wrong drawer. It may sound daft, but often anger can arise from minor issues. Try to look beyond small insignificant issues to consider the bigger picture.
3. Forgiveness.
Other people will inevitably do bad things; this is the way of the world. However, we can be wise and try to take a more enlightened position. If we respond to their faults with anger, we will only strengthen them. If we are able to forgive them, we may actually shame them into doing the right thing. When they see our response is flooded with inner peace, they may feel embarrassed at their behaviour; in the future they may seek to avoid doing it. Forgiveness of other's defects, may not be the natural instinct of the mind. But, if we sincerely forgive them, we will help our situation. At some time, others will appreciate our compassion.
Forgiveness does not mean condoning their actions. But, let us start with the minor infractions of our close ones; next time they annoy us, respond with a compassionate attitude rather than anger and see the difference.
4. Meditation.
To permanently overcome anger we need to bring to the fore inner peace. Inner peace is the antidote to anger; it is only through inner peace that we can permanently subdue the force of anger. Real Meditation brings to the fore inner peace; this is because in meditation we are able to detach ourselves from our thoughts. When we learn to detach ourselves from our thoughts, we can easily detach ourselves from destructive emotions such as anger.
5. See Anger as an Enemy.
Remind yourself anger will make yourself miserable. Make a conscious decision not to allow anger to poison your system. Anger may come quickly, but if we ignore anger, it will soon dissipate. Value your inner peace. If we lose our inner peace we lose something most precious and valuable.
- Sri Chinmoy
From: Sri Chinmoy Library "Anger Says"
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How To Control Anger
1. Don't respond immediately.
If we feel anger come upon us. Wait a moment before responding. Take a few calm deep breathes; we will find that after the initial surge, the anger subsides. After, even a moment of reflection, we realise the situation is not as grave as our mind's first reaction. It is advisable to remember the advice of Thomas Jefferson:
"When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred"
If we do respond straight away we will be liable to say something we regret later. Words spoken in anger leave a lasting remark and it can be hard to undue their effects.
2. Remember some good qualities of the person.
It is often the case that 90% of the time we get angry with friends and families. If we live with someone, it is inevitable we will find some of their daily habits irritating. At some point we may snap and get angry with them. If this occurs try remembering 10 of their good qualities. If we can force ourselves to think of even 1, it will reduce our anger significantly. If we are honest, their good qualities are far more powerful then their bad quality of putting the cornflakes in the wrong drawer. It may sound daft, but often anger can arise from minor issues. Try to look beyond small insignificant issues to consider the bigger picture.
3. Forgiveness.
Other people will inevitably do bad things; this is the way of the world. However, we can be wise and try to take a more enlightened position. If we respond to their faults with anger, we will only strengthen them. If we are able to forgive them, we may actually shame them into doing the right thing. When they see our response is flooded with inner peace, they may feel embarrassed at their behaviour; in the future they may seek to avoid doing it. Forgiveness of other's defects, may not be the natural instinct of the mind. But, if we sincerely forgive them, we will help our situation. At some time, others will appreciate our compassion.
Forgiveness does not mean condoning their actions. But, let us start with the minor infractions of our close ones; next time they annoy us, respond with a compassionate attitude rather than anger and see the difference.
4. Meditation.
To permanently overcome anger we need to bring to the fore inner peace. Inner peace is the antidote to anger; it is only through inner peace that we can permanently subdue the force of anger. Real Meditation brings to the fore inner peace; this is because in meditation we are able to detach ourselves from our thoughts. When we learn to detach ourselves from our thoughts, we can easily detach ourselves from destructive emotions such as anger.
5. See Anger as an Enemy.
Remind yourself anger will make yourself miserable. Make a conscious decision not to allow anger to poison your system. Anger may come quickly, but if we ignore anger, it will soon dissipate. Value your inner peace. If we lose our inner peace we lose something most precious and valuable.
Anger says:
"I can destroy
The whole world."
Peace says:
"Not when I work
Inside you."
- Sri Chinmoy
From: Sri Chinmoy Library "Anger Says"
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Labels: anger
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